Love lust // 4

memento mori

josephine locked me in this room after i found out about julia. 

i wipe my face from the tears and just sit. not knowing what to do anymore,

"let me go!" i hear someone yelling. i look up, and murphy gets pushed into the room, "what are you doing. let me out!" he yells. "murphy"

"bellamy" he says. he looks at me, "you figured it out too huh?" i nod and look down, "i bet i can make something cut this strap"

"who else knows?" i ask, "nobody yet. just us" i watch as he tries cutting my restraints, "tried offering me a deal" murphy says. "what deal?" i ask confused. 

he stops cutting the strap and looks up, "we agree not to retaliate, they help us build our compound"

"and what did you say?" i ask. "what did you think i say" my jaw clicks, "it's julia. she might not have been my favorite of late, but she's still one of ours" 

i look away feeling tears in my eyes. "she cared about you murphy. i know that it may not always have seemed like it, but she did. she cared about all of us, and she would never let us die here" 

"you saying we should take the deal?" he asks. "no. no. you were right, we don't need them to help build our own compoud. we kill them all, and take theirs" i blink back tears. "where's blodreina when you need her" he says.

...

i run my hands through my hair as murphy paces the room, "hey. save your energy, you're gonna need it" i say punching my fist into my palm.

"yea for what? another war. is that really what julia would want?"

"i don't know what julia would want. it's too bad we can't ask her" i say.

"we know she wanted to do better, somehow i don't think risking our lives for revenge is a step in the right direction"

i look at my restraints, "why aren't you restrained? like me" i ask. "i don't know, maybe i seem less likely to rip their heads off" i stand up and look at him. "why are you really here murphy?"

"you really wanna know?" 

"yea" i say. "fine. i'm here to convince you to take the deal. there i said it"

i chuckle and look away. "why am i not surprised? what did you see when you died, murphy"

"am i trying to save my own ass? yea i am, but i'm also saving yours, just like i did during the red sun" 

i look at him as he step closer. "bellamy, if we take this deal we get to have everything we want. we get to live"

i purse my lips and shake my head, "not jules" 

"we can't bring her back. but we can make sure the rest of us live, starting with you. if you don't take this deal josephine will kill you"

"then let her try" 

"oh, so that's it then? we start another war, destroy another planet. is that what you want? is that what monty would've wanted?" he yells.  i grab his shirt and he moves back but i hold onto him. 

"listen to me, monty would be ashamed of you" i push him back, "maybe he would be, or maybe he'd see that this is how we do better"

i try moving to punch him, i turn and close my eyes. "get out" i say.

he knocks and the doors open. "don't worry, i'll do my best to make sure they only kill you" i take a deep breath and sigh, "i'm sorry jules"

...

i look out the window and watch the ship going up. the door to the room opens revealing julias body but, josephine. "i don't wanna fight ok?"

"because we're both struggling. to live with this, and i was hoping maybe we could help each other through it" she says. i scoff and turn not looking at her,