Saving You (ItaFushi)

Chapter 25

Getting drunk with Nanami was surprisingly cathartic for Gojo. It was nice to be able to let his guard down and just talk.

Despite his initial reluctance, they spent the better part of the evening drinking and talking, and by the time Gojo finally stumbled back to his room, he was pleasantly buzzed.

The alcohol had loosened his tongue and he found himself telling Nanami things he had never shared with anyone else. He talked about Megumi, and the guilt he still carried from killing his father. He talked about his relationship with Yaga, and the pressure he put on himself to always be the strongest. He even talked about Geto, and how much he still missed his best friend.

It was a strange, bittersweet feeling, to open up to someone. It was something he hadn't done since he was a teenager, and even then, it had been difficult for him. But it felt good, too. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and he felt lighter than he had in years.

Still, once he was back in his room, the guilt set in. How could he let himself relax when Yuji was in the infirmary, probably feeling worse than ever? How could he let himself have fun when Megumi was hurting, possibly thinking Gojo didn't care about him?

Gojo took a deep breath and decided that he would apologize to Yuji first thing in the morning. Then, he would have a talk with Megumi. He owed them that much.

-

The next day, Yuji was woken up by the sun streaming through the windows.

He blinked, his head pounding, as he tried to remember where he was. It took him a moment to realize that he was in the infirmary, and the previous day's events came flooding back to him.

He closed his eyes, not wanting to deal with the reality of his situation, and let his mind wander. He thought about the last few months, and how happy he had been. He thought about the way Megumi's lips felt against his, and how safe and loved he made him feel. He thought about the way Megumi smiled, and how his voice always sounded so soft when he talked to Yuji.

None of that mattered anymore. None of that could happen again. He had no future with Megumi, not when Sukuna would try to take his body. He would never get to hold him again, never get to kiss him, never get to make him smile.

It was too much. It was all too much.

He felt the cold emptiness creeping into his chest, the familiar numbness taking over his emotions.

He knew it was selfish, but he was grateful for the numbness. He didn't want to feel anything. He didn't want to think about how much it hurt, or how hopeless he felt. He didn't want to think at all.

Yuji opened his eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling. This was his life now. This was his reality.

Just when he was starting to get used to the numbness, the door to his room opened and Nanami walked in.

"Good morning, Itadori-kun," he said, his voice low and gentle.

"Hi," Yuji said, his voice sounding hollow even to his own ears.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Nanami sat down on the edge of his bed and gave him a sympathetic look.

"I know this is hard, but I want you to know that you can talk to me. If you want."

Yuji looked at the man in front of him. He had always admired Nanami, his strength and determination, his ability to always put others first. But right now, he didn't want to talk. He didn't want to acknowledge his reality. He just wanted to stay numb.