All Too Unwell

I wake up screaming from dreaming

"No No No!" I fight, gasping for air. I realize that this is the only thing I can say. 

I feel someone softly drawing circles on my back and gently shaking me. "Mirabelle, sweetie, can you wake up?" I hear a soft voice, a huge contrast from the voices I just heard. I sit up straight in bed, gasping for air. It was all a dream. I turn to see Taylor; she was the one rubbing my back and trying to wake me up. I burst into tears, out of fear that she's going to yell at me for being upset like in my dream. "Come here, sweetie," she says as she sits next to me and pulls me into her arms, rocking me back and forth while continuing to rub my back. "I know that bad dreams are terrifying, but you're safe right now." she says softly. I cry even harder, gripping on to her shoulders like I was falling off of a cliff. "Shhhh it's ok honey, let it all out. I've got you," She reassures, kissing the top of my head. She doesn't move, she just lets me cry my soul out until I've calmed down enough to talk. "Do you wanna talk about what happened, love?" She probes gently, not wanting to force me to talk about something if I'm not ready to. But I feel like I'd be betraying her if I didn't tell her, since she was involved in the dream. I wonder if she'll be angry that I had a dream about her being a bad person. But, I nod so I don't feel like an imposter.

"Ok sweetheart, I'm here to listen," Taylor says, squeezing me again. 

"Let's get you some nice cold water, yeah?" Taylor offers, going to the kitchen compartment and getting me an ice water. "If you press it against your face it can help you cool down," Taylor says, offering me a comforting smile. 

She guides me the the mini sofa with a coffee table. She directs her full attention to me. "So what happened?" She asks.

"It might upset you; I'm really sorry," I say, staring at the sofa fabric. 

"It's ok. Please don't worry about me right now, babe. You seem like you really need to talk about it, so I'm right here to listen." Taylor says in a reassuring tone. 

"It's just- you were in the nightmare," I say, wondering if she'll no longer want to hear about it. 

I start picking my cuticles out of fear, so she takes my hands and rubs her thumb over my knuckles. "Take as much time as you need," she responds. 

"In the nightmare, you yelled at me for panicking about a meal and about burdening you and not knowing how to cope with life and then Charlotte started bullying me and yelling at me and she shoved me into a wall and hit me and recorded the whole thing and no one defended me and the internet was cancelling me and you fired me and I know that people aren't nice for long and that I burden and drain people and I don't know if it'll happen in real life and I don't know... I just.. I..." I am now struggling for my breath. 

"It's ok, sweetie. You don't have to be scared to tell me anything ok? I'm here to listen if you're still ok with talking about it," Taylor says, squeezing my hands. 

"It just scares me that people aren't always how they pretend to be. They'll come into your life presented as all the things you needed, and then they'll change. They start snapping and grow cold. I know it's my fault for being a burden; I'm too much to handle," I continue, feeling a weight lift off my chest. 

"Mirabelle, you are not a burden at all. It's ok to struggle with mental health and have areas where you need help, as long as you let people help, I think you're handling it amazingly. I'm not going to yell at you, but if anything I do triggers you, please let me know and I'll stop doing whatever it is that upsets you. I'm more than willing to comfort you at anytime because you are so kind, generous, creative, and selfless, I just love you so so much." Taylor says, tears in her eyes. Now we're both crying as she takes me into her arms again, squeezing me tightly. "Do you think some 3am baking would make you feel better?" Taylor asks, pulling back.