A Few Months Later...
Dejhari rocked his crying son back and forth as Muga sat in her bed staring at the two. She was completely disconnected from the situation in front of her. She watched as Dejhari tried his hardest to calm the situation in front of her with no care in the world. She didn't know what to do to help and didn't have the energy to try either.
After having Khalil, she was completely emotionless towards him. The whole situation of almost losing him and her life caused her emotions to cut off completely. She want that involved with him because she didn't know how to be. Dejhari had his own bond with him from birth that she never was able to create.
She didn't know why she felt so disconnected from her own son but she did. She wish things could've been different but it never happened that way. She knew that Dejhari wanted her to be more active as a mother figure in her son's life but she just couldn't bring herself past the way she was feeling. She felt disconnected, alone, and numb towards everything.
"Muga, can you feed him? He hungry. " Dejhari said snapping her out of her thoughts. She looked up at him and sighed before pulling her shirt up revealing her right boob. She was exhausted from breastfeeding and staying up all night because he wouldn't sleep.
He passed her Khalil and watched as his son latched onto Kataleya's breast. He began nursing from his mother as he looked up at her and held onto her shirt. Dejhari found it cute so he snapped a pic of them together. He didn't really have any pictures of his son with her because she was so standoffish towards him.
"You think you up to keeping him later on? I gotta go to the office to pick up some paper work but I'll be right back maybe like a hour but I'll be right back baby, I promise. You not gonna be with him too long." He said noticing the uncertainty on her face. He knew that she didn't like to be alone with him but she didn't want to say it out loud.
She felt like a horrible mom and just couldn't hold up to the responsibilities that came with it sometimes. She didn't feel a connection with her son and barely found one with Dejhari anymore. She was dealing with depression and taking it pretty hard.
"I don't know." She said lowly. He sat down on the bed in front of her and watched as she rubbed her fingers against Khalil's little arm. "I'm scared of being alone with him. You know that. You said you would take some time off to be here until I get the hang of things."
He huffed. He felt defeated. He felt like Kataleya wasn't even trying to get to know their son or how things worked with him. He felt like she just didn't want him to leave her alone with him. He knew she was scared but it bothered him. "You gotta make an effort Kataleya. You have to fucking try."
"I am trying," She retorted before frowning at her. He can see the tears building in her eyes as she looked at him. He could see he hurt her feelings but he was overwhelmed with being a new parent as well. "You don't understand what I'm going through."
"I'm sorry baby," He said softly before reaching to touch her thigh as she continued to feed Khalil. "I know this is hard for you baby but it's hard for me too. We just gotta keep trying. I'll have Meena come over and help you with everything while I'm gone."
She looked at him before nodding her head reluctantly. She was scared but she knew she had to start spending time with her son and stop relying on him to be there every time she needed to interact with him. She knew he would have to go back to work soon but she didn't think it would be now.
