The Fluffy Adventures of Yelena and Bucky

Part 14

   Yelena felt jittery and uprooted. She closed her eyes, barely believing that she had just said that and... If she faced his emotions head-on, she could drown in them... or accidentally walk all over them.

   What did he really think of her? She had just jumped at the look of disappointment in his eyes. Did he really care about her that way? 

   They were used to opening up to each other, why was it hard now?

   Oh.

   Yelena was still scared. She looked up at Bucky, but he wasn't focused on her. He was staring at the carpet, eyes full of what looked like nothing and everything at the same time. 

   "Remember when I told you I was scared?" She asked, and he nodded. "Well, I'm still scared."

   Bucky met her eyes and crossed his arms. "That was why you shook your head?"

   She wasn't sure what to say.

   "Yelena? How will you live life to the fullest if you're scared?" He let out a dank chuckle. "It's hard to believe that you've changed like this. I guess... that's just what life does to you, though. No matter who you are. Say something, Yelena!"

   Alpine the cat poked her head around the couch and curled up around Bucky's ankles. He reached down and gave her furry head gentle strokes, muscles in his back flexing. 

   "Well?"

   "I'm sorry, I... I'm scared as hell, Bucky!" Her voice shook, screaming for help softly.

   He straightened up, eyes wide and intense, and he waited for her to say more.

   "I can't help but feel horrible sometimes, like... how will I move on with my life knowing that Natasha had it all, she had a family, Bucky, and she still died a horrible death that she never deserved! My own own problems haunt me as well as her death, a reminder that... that I don't deserve to be alive while she- " Yelena sighed, tears streaming down her face soothingly. 

   Bucky lifted her hand in his, gently caressing it with his metal thumb. It made her feel centered and real. Strong enough to reveal her heart to him, the only one she knew who would listen to even the worst things about her and tell her he's there anyway. 

   He didn't want her to leave his house after she had caused him so much pain and heartache, because he loved her.

   She sobbed, while his fingers were gentle and strong, comforting.

   "I feel so anxious all the time, and it's hard to sleep some nights," she continued, and he nodded understandingly. He really did understand, she knew. "And what I've done is horrible! I wish that Nat could be here. What you said on the hill, that you wished you could've died in her place to save her, I really wish that I could do that, too! She meant so much, Bucky."

   Bucky teared up, as if he felt all of her pain and it was hurting him, too. 

   Awe-filled, Yelena leaned closer. Did she mean that much to him, that he'd get so outwardly emotional about her? Wow...

   The dam had broken: water in the form of words flooded over from behind the dam that was the barrier between them, washing over them both. She kept going, knowing he would hold her words delicately, as if they were a part of his family.

   "One time, when I was reunited with her before... She asked me what was wrong, and I just broke. I was crying for hours, and she just held me the whole time, listening to me, and she told me after that she wouldn't always be there for me, that I needed someone to talk to, to really talk to. But all these years, I just hated to world, and refused to talk to people about it. No one saw my real feelings, or the truth about what I've really done. The world tore her from me, and I denied my own problems because of it... except for one: that I missed her so much. Until now..."

   He continued to move his thumb between her knuckles soothingly. "I know how that feels, Yelena."

   "What?"

   "Steve... He left me for Peggy, and he understood me the most, even though he didn't undertand me completely. He spent seventy years in the past without me, and when he came back... he barely looked at me until after he gave the... shield to Sam." Bucky's face crumpled slightly, and she squeesed his fingers gently. "I felt worthless after that day, and... it's been so hard to move on. And I haven't, completely. He's been my friend for almost a hundred years. But if I can do it, if I can somehow get better, even if only a little, then you can too. I believe in you, Yelena,"

He didn't open up like this with other people. She wasn't sure how she knew, it was just a feeeling that seemed to multiply in depth every time she saw his eyes. "Bucky, how is it so easy to see how you feel?"

   Bucky's eyes widened again, and he tilted his head closer until she felt his breath on her face. He kissed her forehead, making her heart thrum loudly in her chest.

   "Because I love you,"

   Yelena grabbed his shirt and kissed his lips. He made a surprised sound, arms around her suddenly. She wasn't sure when that had happened, but she didn't care. 

   She just kissed Bucky Barnes, and he was kissing her back. Goosebumps washed over her whole body. 

   A thought popped up in her head, distracting her enough to pull away.

   "What is it?" Bucky asked, petting his cat again. Speaking of Alpine, the little cat was giving Yelena a death stare, as if to say 'you'll die today for that.' She wasn't sure whether 'that' meant kissing him or pulling away from him. 

   "Ah, shit," she muttered, and a giggle escaped her, gradually turning into full on barking like a hyena. It was contageous, apparently, because Bucky started to laugh with her. 

   "What is it?" He asked again, nudging her gently. 

   "THE PIZZA!" She howled at him. 

   His face fell. "Oh. Oops,"

   "No, no, it's fine! We can just eat here."

   "Are you sure you don't want-"

   She kissed his cheek, making him quiet.