Divergent: Before We Chose

Page Nineteen

When I wake, I am lying on a cold, hard surface that sends a chill through my entire body. My head in foggy, but I shake it off, blinking several times. It's a side-effect of chloroform. So is nausea, but I refuse to feel that until I figure out exactly where I am. I look to my side, and stifle a scream.

"Nice of you to finally wake up," Tobias smiles, sitting next to me, his hands clasped between his knees and his head against the wall we lean against. Well, the wall I am slumped against. I guess I must have been discarded here.

Immediately I am wary of Tobias and his motives and I scurry back, subtly, but he reaches out and grabs my hand, lightning fast. "Trust me, Beatrice."

"Why should I? You lied to me about our meeting, you led me to believe you had feelings for me, and, oh, yes, you knocked me out!"

His smile fades abrupdtly. "You think I lied about my feelings?"

That wasn't the point I had wanted him to elaborate on. My cheeks flushed.

"Why am I here, Tobias? Why am I of use to you, and your supposedly-dead mother?"

"Oh yeah," he sighs. "About her." I have flashbacks again of the funeral, and my gut twists inside me. I can't trust Tobias Eaton. "I only found out she was alive less than a year ago," he confesses openly, and there is a slight pain in his voice, a tone of betrayal. "I've been meeting with her here, secretly, for a few months now. Since just before my aptitude test."

"And was it her plan for you to leave and come back?" I'm not sure if I particularly care.

"No." His mouth hardens around the edges. "She told me to run. She told me to choose whatever faction I wanted. So I chose Dauntless. They brought me back here. They shouldn't have been able to, but Marcus has a lot of power. A lot more than he should."

Bile rises in my throat as all my negative feelings towards Marcus Eaton are confirmed. From throwing his coat in my arms as he walked through the door to slurring his words after too much wine, I never liked him. I have to ask about Jeanine Matthews' reports, I have to, but I can't ask Tobias that. How can you ask someone that about their own father?

Tobias looks away, staring straight ahead across the vast warehouse. "I can't completely trust my mother, Beatrice. I want to, and I know it's a miracle that she's here and all that, but I just... there's something about her. Something ruthless in her. That's why I had to play along." He turns back to me now, his eyes a painfully dark shade of blue. "That's why I had to pretend that... you and I... we're not..."

"What are we, Tobias?"

"Nothing," he says, but not maliciously. He says it cautiously, as if he wants to be sure. "Not yet, Tris. I need you as a partner against Abnegation before I need you as anything else. Though when it comes to wanting you, that fact is reversed."

I feel something low in my stomach and I swallow, wondering if I'd be a fool to believe him now, even after his cruel words. He had saved me from the factionless man, yes, but was that for his own good? Was I necessity to him? Could I trust him?

"I can't let my mother believe that there is something between us. I choose you, Tris, because I saw it in you. I saw the selfishness that I have always felt, all my life, that almost traitorous feeling you get everytime you ask a question you shouldn't have or take a seat on the bus that could be given to someone else. I could see you felt the same - you feel the same. I needed a partner, someone on the inside, and I chose you."

The way he speaks of choosing me, it reminds me of the Choosing Ceremony, as if I am a pawn, or unimportant, a spur of the moment decision that could have collossal consequences. "Why me? Why not Robert, or even Susan?"

"There's something I don't trust about your brother," he says blantantly, shrivilling his nose. "And Susan... she's not half as brave as you are."

"Brave?" I splutter. "I am not brave, Tobias."

He grins. "I recall differently. Did I not stumble upon you having a little fight with a factionless man earlier today?"

"Yes, but if you hadn't stepped in..."

"You would have been fine," he saids, tone certain. "But I had to, just in case." 

He stares at me for a moment, not in an examining manner, but in more of a longing way. Then, without warning, he reaches down and places his lips on mine, placing his fingers gently under my chin to lift my lips to his. It is a soft kiss, but there is tension behind it; he's holding back.

He pulls back and sighs, his eyes still closed. "I need you as a partner, firstly. Then later, if we defeat the Abnegation... if we survive..." he trails off, and I'm glad he does.

"I'll be your partner," I assure him, in what context, I am not sure. But I know I will fight with him. "What time is it? I should be getting home. It's my turn to cook dinner tonight and..." I start to get up, but Tobias grabs my wrist. He hauls himself up, looking into my eyes.

"You can't go back, Beatrice. Not if you're with us now." I am overcome with nausea suddenly, and I don't think it's from the chloroform.

"I can't be factionless, Tobias, I can't be. I can't leave my family and... and..." my voice is shaking with fear, so I stop and compose myself. Then, I carry on. Maybe I am brave. "Give me time to say goodbye. In my own way. I won't tell them what I'm doing. Just let me say goodbye."

After a moment, he nods, letting go of my wrist. "Three days. I will meet you here in three days, and we will become factionless together. Marcus won't be happy, and I'm sure your parents won't be thrilled, but it is what we have to do. We have to be the sparks to ignite it."

"Ignite what?" I ask.

"The rebellion," Tobias grins, and though it holds malice, it warms me. I trust him.

I am brave.