Two Night Stand

Chapter 10

"In the dream I don't tell anyone, you put your head in my lap."
- Richard Siken

     Why do I actually feel heartbroken?

I didn't even know the guy.

He did however make me feel very special and wanted. Needed almost.

I guess I had forgotten how that feels.

God, I think I will be sick again.

My phone is buzzing for what feels like is the sixth time in one minute.

I finally pick up.

"Oh my God, I could kill you right now!" Eden exclaims over the phone and I have to put it further away from my ear.

"I know, I know.." I say.

"What the fuck happened? You've been ignoring me since Saturday."

"Why didn't you ever mention that Reece has a girlfriend?" I shake my head as if she could see me right now.

She spits out something that she is drinking.

"Hold up! What?"

"Mhm." I hum sadly.

"Don't tell me that he.." She gasps.

"Mhm." I hum again.

"Oh, Haze." She whispers.

"No, but for real what the fuck?" She almost yells, "he's been kissing a new girl practically every weekend."

"Well, I don't know for how long they have been dating, but I can guarantee that when I had to go to the backseat in my underwear to hide, it sure as hell was from his girlfriend."

"No, I could spit fire right now, I think."

"What is it with you and these awful guys?!" She then continues saying, which makes me smile a little.

"I need to be a nun."

"I could kind of see that, girl." Eden says but she sounds almost terrified.

———

I think I check the email for at least a hundred times.

Tobias has invited me to a close 'colleagues only' ski trip in four weeks.

It's almost December now. And it will be the first Christmas without my mom. And my first birthday.

God, I hate December.

I hate that I hate December now.

It says that the plane tickets and the house in the mountains that we will be staying at is fully paid for.

I try to find where does it say that this is a very bad joke, that he's just messing with me.

I don't even know how to ski. He never had enough patience to teach me. Maybe that's why? He wants to make fun of me?

"..make sure to bring your plus one, since this will be a romantic getaway to celebrate New Year's."

And then it hits me.

This ain't no usual vacation with Tobias. Or getaway with work colleagues and Tobias.

He's going to be there with Nicole. On their romantic getaway.

They're going to be sucking their faces off in front of my eyes.

Well, Tobias will be on his tippy toes, so it makes me feel a little better, but still.

I am bringing Eden.

He will have Nicole and you will have Eden?

Maybe this is his ultimate plan all along!

He knows I have no one.

That plus one comment probably is written only in my invitation, because since when that has ever been an a requirement?

He wants to laugh in my face with that long leg Nicole by his side.

I'm definitely not going.

I can't go! I can't give him that satisfaction.

Of course, what I should do is go and act like a confident and grown woman, but that's really not me now, is it?

I almost wish nothing more than to have someone to take with me right now.

I would be okay with as little as him being tall, funny and smelling nice.

Is it bad that I want to stick that imaginary someone in Tobias's face?

It would only be fair though. He did that to me.

Later that night I almost download a dating app which results only with me staying up way too late and an even more messed up head.

I don't want to be in a relationship.

I don't think that a relationship wants to be with me, to be exact.

Last Saturday is a great example of it.

Tobias calling off our wedding is an even better one.

None of the guys that I have met in these last couple of weeks not texting me or trying to get into contact with me again is another small example.

The universe is very clearly telling me that I should be alone.

No one should ever be alone, yet here I am, reminded over and over again that I definitely should.

I want my mom's softs hands to hold me while I fall asleep.

I hope I dream of you, mom!