One reason about you

Chapter 4, Jane

,, silence became her favorite way to speak "
~ r.h Spin

I'm at peace with that. No one wanted to hang out with me after high school, as usual. I also sat in the first bench, by the wall, alone. I'm ok with that. I don't expect anything different, although I was thinking about that girl on the way home. I didn't really want to look at her like this, but how come I did? I could see her exhausted, really already? It had barely begun. However, she probably didn't pay much attention to me, he was probably thinking to himself: why was this strange guy looking at me? . That's it . It's not like I like it, I mean I'm sure I don't. She sure has friends in class, maybe she still has a crush on my classmate, Jace. Of course that was it. She was feeling bad. I could feel it in her eyes. She was probably pining for Jace, he just didn't know what he wanted. But who am I to talk about relationships and love. I was walking with normal steps towards the apartment, anyway it wasn't that far at all. I will throw myself in bed. And I will sleep. With all the peace today, although not in my mind I need rest, for what will follow. No big deal, I'm sure. At least I have my mother. He wasn't home, he was still at work. Alone again. We try to be like you and the rest, with social networks, but they are not mine. For what? To talk to my classmates, right? Although not physically? It would be foolish. That's why I stick with my games. I approached the bed. I see my cat, Koto. Korean name, and unique, I found one on the street alone like me, that's our thing in common. Suddenly, he sat down on the drawing pad. Then suddenly, an idea came to me. Time to let my mind relax and pour imagination onto a simple sheet. I slowly sat down on the bed, took Koto, and started holding the pencil in my hand. I felt like I was reconnecting with myself. My mind was playing tricks. My hand was going crazy. During that time, the pencil accentuated my thoughts and what I was feeling at the moment. I was lost in my new world, I could barely wake up to reality when my glasses fogged up. I stress with care, and put it back. Turning my clear gaze to the drawing sheet, it wasn't just any drawing. It was someone. It was the face, someone's puzzled look. Which had filled my mind with fantasies and flashes for no particular reason. I felt a new state, I haven't had such a feeling since I knew myself. I was staring at the drawing. And suddenly, I feel like morning again, staring deeply at Dayla. For no particular reason, I simply wanted to watch it. That means I'm going crazy. The strange looking Jace's so-called ex-girlfriend, a boy since birth. A reason why the strange means I will never be in Dayla's sights. And for sure, she didn t know my name. Much better that she doesn't know my real name .
I know that. I'm not normal, I'm still a boy in a girl's body. That being the real reason.

I fell asleep very quickly. And suddenly I realize that I have to get to high school. It was 06:55 and I had barely recovered. Am I already late for the second day? And after I'm not so close. I had to hurry. I took a red t-shirt from the closet, black shorts, I don't use to look in the mirror. I took my backpack, and I ran. My mother was probably at work. I wanted to spend time with her, unfortunately now it won't be the same, I just hope she's okay. As soon as I put on my shoes, I left the block. I tried to run as hard as my legs could take me, although I'm not the best at running. We were just a street away, it was already 07:06, and I was sure that the English teacher would act like a fire-breathing dragon. Especially when I barely say a word. Only when he asks me orally, I don't know but I get stuck. I hate that about me. But in tests I always get the maximum score, English for me is the easiest possible language. I was seeing red at the traffic lights, that's what I was missing. It was still the same thing anyway. At least I can breathe. I wiped the glass of my glasses with my hand, they felt like they were fogged up. But it seems that luck was on my side. That's when I see my class, all walking one by one as she comes along with the English teacher, but surprisingly also the French teacher. I thought they were friends, but not really. Why the hell was my class in downtown Ewvrny? However, with these questions in mind, I felt the anxiety at its maximum, I didn't know how to act. I simply headed to class. Everyone was looking at me. A colleague pointed out something like this:
- Is it Maddox?
I couldn't swear that they knew my gaming nickname. Daniele certainly brought this up. I didn't have a problem, as long as the girl's name wasn't there. The teachers started waving at me, and I turned towards them. This is what I have done. Anyway, my hands felt sweaty and shaky. I will control this. I got in line with my colleagues further back. I don't know why, I looked back. I thought I was going crazy. 10th grade? Is he coming with us? That explained why she was also the French teacher. What the hell. I tried to look calm knowing that I might see Dayla. I can't believe I care about this. I will try to pretend that there is nothing wrong. I was moving forward. Exactly. I was going to some art museum. But what should we look for with language teachers? Then when we arrived, we suddenly stopped in front of the museum. My classmates were whispering, although I know they are in a quite quiet class. 10th grade was pretty rowdy. I was looking down, wanting this mini trip to end. He probably noticed me, or she doesn't care at all. But it does not matter. The English teacher started talking to us:
- I said let's start the first day of classes here, knowing that it would give you great pleasure, when you are special at an Arts school. Being new language teachers, we would like them to observe these superb works. So come on, in a little quiet, so is the 10th grade? Can it be a little? Thank you.
I understood but still strange. At least I didn't choose to be absent. And at least I was noticed a little bit. We all went forward to the gate. I made eye contact with Daniele, he was chatting with some colleagues. I don't understand why but it's very strange to talk about a strange, isn't it? Or maybe I just thought so. I left my phone at home, wonderful. Now I can't hide from people anywhere. I'm off to a great start. My colleagues find out about me, they talk to me, only from now on in the 11th grade. I'm hiding for no particular reason from a girl Dayla, Jace's ex. In which Jace looks everywhere for her. I don't mind, just his behavior. But it's none of my business, I think. I walk slowly towards every corner of the museum, I appreciate the art, it is too divine to be expressed. At my house, my mother kept a painting, it seems very strange but also beautiful. I never understood it, but she always appreciated it. I am still thinking if there is something special behind it, this has been overlooked by me. By mistake, I listened to a small part of Deea's conversation with Sabrina, my colleague: - Daniele, I think she behaves quite differently, I think she likes me. I don't want to ruin the friendship, maybe it will happen like with.....
I felt like he interrupted the sentence when they passed by me. Strangely enough, I seemed to be paying attention to a painting. Like who? With me? That would be crap. Did she liked me? This no longer makes sense. Then at that moment, as I was retreating, concentrated in my thoughts, someone bumped into me. Very hurried, I could feel it, a touch of my hand, quick but slow. Confused, I looked back, no, it was her. Dayla. Run in a museum. And by mistake he gave himself into me. He stopped suddenly. He looked at me again. This time much more intense and suddenly with me. I don't know why but I felt that it was not right at all. Maybe I could see the strings of tears on her cheeks. Maybe, I could ask her what happened, but I was held back by something that always happens, I don't know how to act. I got stuck. But I didn't feel anxious as usual. Just quietly watching her cry slowly. This lasted for a while, until she says:

- I'm sorry, sorry, by mistake. .. with a thin and sad voice.
I could not say a word, I remained silent. I could see her walking away, looking away from me. Whatever it is, I think it has something to do with Jace. He did something. Sure. But all I could think about was the sadness in her eyes. And the fact that I wanted to ask her something, but I hate that I am not capable of it. The loneliness and lack of socializing in reality was beyond me. Especially with someone like Dayla. With her I felt that I wanted to. I hate myself. Now I really don't like to walk in solitude, for my house to be in solitude. She had been polite, I don't know if she cares about my existence. Now she is suffering, that would be the last thing, for her to think of me. I'm crazy. There is no way, only this. I leave the puddle. What's in my head? It was time to head to the high school.