The Flower and the Butterfly

Mourning

-I wonder... am I useless? Rengoku, he... I didn't do anything, while he fought... I did nothing, it's always the same, I'm in a happy moment... and that happiness is taken from me... maybe the problem is me, maybe it was always me... -

Days passed, and these thoughts wouldn't leave my head. Hayashi and I have already returned to the Butterfly Mansion, but ever since Rengoku's death was announced, all I've done is cry, and when I wasn't crying, I was just quiet. Hayashi even tried to cheer me up, but it didn't work. Tanjiro, Zenitsu, and Inosuke were now under Mitsuri's care again because they had gone on the same mission as Rengoku. Today, I woke up and put on a pink kimono. I didn't plan to go out for a while, and during that time, all I did...

-"Kanroji-san... Could you let go a little... I need to do Inosuke's check-up..." Shinobu said as I held her arm tightly. Now I was only with Shinobu. I didn't care if people suspected us, I just didn't want her to get hurt.

-"Can't I come along?"

-"Kanroji-san... I know you're going through a tough time... But please understand that I need to attend to my duties..." I lowered my head and slowly let go of Shinobu's arm.

-"Alright... I understand..." I spoke in a low voice. Shinobu sighed and gently patted my head.

-"It's okay... Mitsuri-san... Everything will be fine..." She kissed my forehead and then went off to her tasks. I went outside and sat on a porch, staring at nothing. Rengoku's death really shook me... My master...

Some time passed, and I felt someone touching my shoulder. When I looked up, Hayashi and Kanao were there.

-"Kanroji-sensei... I know you're sad, but... Kyojuro-san wouldn't want to see you like this..." Hayashi tried to comfort me, but it didn't help much. Kanao patted my back. She didn't know what to do in these situations.

-"Thank you... But I just need some time... to process everything..." I said in a low voice. Hayashi and Kanao weren't very good at comforting someone; they were afraid of saying the wrong thing. So Kanao left, looking at me as if she felt sorry for me, but honestly, I didn't care to know what she thought at that moment. Hayashi stayed with me a little longer, trying to cheer me up.

-"So... Kanroji-sensei, don't you want to go eat something? You love that!"

-"I'm sorry, Hayashi-san, but I'm not hungry." Hayashi stayed quiet, trying to think of a response, but probably nothing came to mind. After a while, both of us remained silent. Then I stood up.

-"Thank you for trying, Hayashi-san..." He seemed a bit down for not succeeding as I walked back into the mansion.

I walked around the place without much direction until I found Shinobu walking down the hallway. She quickly approached me.

-"Kanroji-san, you're here... I was looking for you... I want to give you something..." Shinobu said that with a bit of embarrassment. I looked at her in surprise, still feeling sad.

-"Okay... I wasn't doing anything..." Shinobu took my hand and led me.

We walked to her room, and she closed the door behind us.

-"Well, Mitsuri-san... I should have given you this before... But I never found the right moment..." I looked at Shinobu. She seemed a bit embarrassed, fidgeting and looking a little anxious about my reaction.

-"Okay..."

-"Right. Can you... close your eyes for a moment?" Shinobu stammered a bit. I sighed and closed my eyes.

-"Raise your hands..." I did as she asked, and I felt her placing something in them. It wasn't very heavy; the texture was strange, and the shape was too. I couldn't recognize what it was.