IT WON'T STOP

11.

[ Amara's ]

"Let's risk it, Amara." She sounded so serious about it. "I'm so into you. And if this decision is going to ruin my career, I don't give a damn about it."

I didn't even realise how long I was staring at her; I couldn't answer. Not even a word slipped out of my mouth. I was emotionless; a lot of thoughts were coming through my mind.

I wasn't sure to just let her ruin her dreams in this country just to freely go out with me. I wanted her to have the best career possible, as I have planned for myself by going back to the US. Everything in my mind was complicated and unfixed.

I just opened the car door and walked out as fast as I could. Surprisingly, she didn't follow or stop me. When I got into the hotel, I leaned against the door after locking it. I was tearing up because of pressure; I didn't know what to choose.

Do I like her?

Do I love her?

Is it enough for me to just stay here longer?

I slapped my face, feeling dumb. Why did I agree to keep this going in the first place? We didn't think deeper about what's going to happen in the end.

We didn't have time to express our feelings. And it's like we were running out of time. I had to leave, I thought to myself.

Was that her way of telling me that she liked me already? "I'm into you." The phrase kept repeating inside my head.

"Don't be a pussy, Amara!" I talked to myself while crying, experiencing the softness of my heart.

I laid down in my bed upstairs immediately and looked at the ceiling while scrolling through my contacts. When she suddenly texted me, I stopped.

Machiko Lim: I just got home.

Machiko Lim: Please, there's no pressure at all, Amara.

Machiko Lim: Are you mad at me?

Machiko Lim: Let me make it up to you. I'm sorry if I used the wrong terms.

My tears started falling down through my cheeks again, and I frustratedly wiped them off. And I tried to reply; I didn't want her to feel ignored.

Amara Arceta: let's not talk about it

Machiko Lim: Okay. Good night.

Her last reply made my heart ache. I knew she was trying so hard to be considerate of my preferences.

[ Machiko's ]

Her preferences... Her perspectives on us. My first thoughts upon waking up in the morning. I sat down immediately, and my head was hurting badly. I still have training, goddamn.

I stood up to take a shower and chose my comfortable outfit for the day. My cellphone was notifying me a lot. But... Amara didn't reply anymore.

[ GC Name: JMC MGA BALIW ]

Juniper: Shot tayo maya

Maise: hala, gumaganon na si anteh. brokening ka nyan?

Caily: g, ako na drive

Juniper: Medyo hahaha ang sakit niya, guys. Mas pinili niya na sumama roon sa lalaki pauwi :(

Maise: sinasabi ko na nga ba sa'yo na tigilan mo na si sadie, wala kang pag-asa riyan

Caily: piskit ka kasi, jun. straight nga 'yung tao, stop ka na

Juniper: 'Wag na kayo ma istress kaka-advice sa akin. Alam ko naman babalik lang din ako kapag susuyuin na ako non 😆