IT WON'T STOP

21.

[ Machiko’s ]

I didn't even get to think twice when I saw the scene; I ran away so fast from the bar. Maise and the others were calling me badly; my phone kept ringing while I was driving.

Was I not enough?

Am I that bad to handle?

Or I'm just not a man?

"You're worthless, Machiko! You shouldn't have come here to reach your dreams if you will just give the management conflicts! You knew... You knew about everything! You are aware, yet you're there fucking a girl somewhere! You're a big mistake!"

My manager's words kept repeating inside my mind while I was rushing to drive home. 

As soon as I got into the condominium, it looked like it wasn't ours anymore. I looked around, remembering everything we did in here. 

I had flashbacks. Amazing flashbacks.

"I really love you, Machiko. I hope you know that." She caressed my cheek, staring straight in my eyes and smiling sweetly. 

Those smiles ruined everything. It made me such a fool.

I quickly ran to the bedroom and took out her remaining clothes. I threw it away aggressively; I was really angry. And sad. And overwhelmed with pain.

"Argh!" I shouted, and I started crying so hard while I was on my knees. 

"What the fuck did I do to get punished like this?" I had the urge to hurt myself, but instead I punched the wall several times while breaking down.

I packed her own remaining stuff in the room in a bigger bag. And I threw it in the living room. 

I hated the fact that in every spot I looked, I saw her. I see our loving and great memories together. It was so pure that I didn't think it would hurt me this badly.

When someone suddenly rang the doorbell, I wiped my tears as fast as I could and opened the door.

It's her. It was Amara.

I had the urge to shut the door, but instead I walked away to go to the living room and get the bag that was full of her things. 

"Machiko—" I heard her coming on, and she shut the door.

"What? Are you here for a one-night stand with me all over again?" I sarcastically answered. "Damn, you're so... cruel, Amara." I couldn't help tearing up again.

"What the hell are you saying?" She looked drunk, but her face still remained innocent.

"You kissed another man, I saw." I smiled painfully. "You set this up? Or is it just unintentional for you to hurt me this way?"

When I said those, her facial expressions were blank. I couldn't read her mind. She was just staring at me with no words.

"That's how desperate you are so I can break up with you? Ganoon kalala ang kaya mong gawin?" I sarcastically chuckled. "Fuck, it's working. It's aching me so bad, Amara!"

"This is what I wanted..." She smiled painfully.

"I want you to hate me, Machiko. I would go that far to let you know that I am not the woman you are deserving to have."

And just like that, my heart was aching more. 

"Why did we even commit to this, Amara?" 

"Minahal kita, eh." She was smiling with tears flowing from her eyes. "I was blinded by love; I should've left more early, Machiko."

Those words made me think that she regretted everything we had. The pain was unbearable.

"The way you love is so painful. I hope you know that, because it feels like thousands of knives are stabbing me right now," I said, my voice shaky.