IT WON'T STOP

26.

[ Machiko’s ]

"I'm desperate to talk to you, Machiko! Why can't you just let me? For once?" Her voice broke in the end.

Her eyes were getting watery; I knew she was about to cry. She wanted to talk about the past.

"Now, you're the one who's desperate," I sarcastically answered. "Because I was the desperate one when you left me with painful confusion."

She couldn't answer anymore; we shouldn't have just seen each other again. I knew this was about to happen, especially since I knew she had guilt with her. Too much guilt.

"Let's just rest." I sighed. "I can't now; let's talk about it some other time." I turned my back on her and walked away from her. She didn't say anything or stop me.

The next morning, it was usual law classes. I was really exhausted; I didn't have enough sleep, and I keep having pure coffee as my breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

"Fuck!" I sighed and closed my book. My eyes can't take it anymore. It was already midnight after a long day.

I tried not to think about Amara and her words, but it kept reminiscing in my mind. Do I still love her? I don't know.

But I am affected; I can't deny that.

I was about to call Maise because I wanted to talk about something in my condominium, but instead Amara's DM notified me. She found my private Instagram account.

Amara: let's run away

Fuck. No.

I sighed when I saw her text message. I shouldn't agree. But I needed someone's company, and her presence was still somehow peaceful to me, no matter how painful our past was.

Machiko: Okay. Come here.

And a few minutes later, I had already welcomed her inside my condominium. She remembered because she used to sleep here when she was crazily drunk.

"I didn't expect you'd agree," she honestly said, and she sat down on the sofa.

"How did you find my Instagram account? It's private." Was she stalking me or something?

"Apparently, one of your friends in law school is also one of my friends. I asked her." 

"Aish," I sighed. "I shouldn't have told her."

"And I wouldn't be here for you if she didn't share your account with me. I paid her for just that." She smiled genuinely.

What? Seriously?

"It never changed; you're always the one who's hitting up on me." I stood up and got us water.

"I'm not hitting up on you. Bumabawi lang ako, Machiko." Her voice sounded soft.

"Right!" I sarcastically chuckled.

"Is that a bad thing?" she curiously asked. She was just staring at me.

"No."

"Then, good. You can use me for anything. I won't mind." She smiled. I couldn't recognise if it was a sweet or painful one. But I knew she wanted to be selfless for me.

"You're crazy." I broke the tension with my laugh.

"Your room is full of papers and books; aren't you tired?" She was looking around.

"I am; that's why I called you," I unhesitatingly answered.

"Okay, what should we talk about?" 

"You wanted to talk about us, right? Our... past?" I hesitated when I asked that. But I was really curious.