The Harper Generations: Country Roads

This is war!

Misty

Our parents scolded us before commending us for not landing in jail since the local sheriff questioned everyone. We denied everything, of course, like any good troublemakers would do. Did you think we would confess to humiliating my cousin? Hell no!

But Tino and his cousins took it one step further when they handed a pageant contestant a book, specifically Brandy's diary. How did the cousins get their hands on said diary? I might have swiped it the last time Dad and I visited West Virginia and hid it at the house we stayed at when we visited.

A girl stood on the stage at the microphone and read Brandy's most intimate thoughts, like when she got her period and wondered when she would get boobs. It also revealed her crush on Lucas Ridgeway. Lucas's girlfriend, Mary Sue, didn't find Brandy's confession amusing. We found it downright hilarious.

Brandy refused to leave the changing area. It sucks to be her. Next time, Brandy should remember not to mess with me. It will save her from the utter humiliation.

Since the pageant was boring, we headed to the building with the food and crafts. We walked in to find Grandma Naomi and Grandma Mary trading barbs.

"You know, Naomi, no one wants week-old pies. People prefer fresh pies," Grandma Mary said.

"You mean, unlike your store-bought pies," Grandma Mary said.

Folks, shots have been fired!

Grandma Mary put her hands on her hips. "I'll have you know I don't buy store-bought anything."

"Then remove the price tag from your pie boxes," Grandma Naomi said, pointing at the box.

Take cover! The grannies just declared war!

"Maybe you should find out." Grandma Mary picked up a pie, slammed it in Grandma Naomi's face, and rubbed it around.

"What the hell?" Preston asked.

Grandma Naomi swiped pie from her face, grabbed a pie, and smashed it into Grandma Mary's face.

"Shit," Ryan said.

My grandmothers faced off for a few seconds.

"Take cover!" River yelled.

We dove under tables as my grandmothers threw their pies at each other. Pies flew through the air, hitting the judges, the walls, and the floor. People slipped on the floor covered with fruit filling while my grandmothers duked it out.

"Damn, Misty. Your grannies get vicious," Michael said.

I rolled my eyes. "My grandmothers can't stand each other if you couldn't tell."

"Oh, we can tell," they said.

We heard a crash and popped our heads up to see my grandmothers rolling around on a broken table covered in pie remnants. People tried to break it only to land in the chaos. Grandma Naomi hauled off and socked Grandma Mary in the eye.

"Damn, look at Naomi go," Preston said.

"You, good for nothing..." Grandma Naomi yelled while shoving Grandma Mary's face into the pie on the floor.

Our jaws dropped at the obscene language coming from Grandma Naomi.

"Wow, Naomi turned into foul mouth Betty. I like her more and more," Ryan said.

"Get off of me!" Grandma Mary screeched.

"Doesn't Mary know that doesn't work? No one will get off you when they're wiping the floor with you. It only makes them want to do it more," River said.