IT WON'T STOP

12.

[ Amara’s ]

"I guess you're just like that to everyone." My voice broke while I smiled bitterly at Machiko after seeing those pictures.

"Amara, it's not like that!" She turned off her phone, frustrated.

"Then, what? You also fucked her after that? Ano?! You treated her—" I was trembling, reminiscing every bit of my past.

"Goddamn!" She stood up. "You saw me as that kind of person, Amara? How could you?" Her eyes were teary already, but her facial expression also expressed anger. I was so scared, for some reason, that I stepped back, speechless. 

She then calmed down a bit when she saw my reactions. "I... I apologise." 

"I never kissed her, Amara." She was staring at me like she was longing for my presence for years. "We didn't do anything."

"She attempted to, but I never agreed, and I walked away. I could never do that to you." Tears were rolling down her cheeks. "Even if we don't know what we are, talking stage and shit," she chuckled sarcastically before continuing her words. "I mean, I'm into you. And if you can't reciprocate it or you're complicated about everything, I don't care. I'm taking the risk before I lose it." 

I didn't know what to say; we were just staring at each other with teary eyes. She realised that she was crying already, and it frustrated her. She was scared to show or express her feelings in front of a person. Then she just walked away without saying anything after picking up her phone and black coat.

I picked up to call a friend, and Skylar suddenly popped up first, so I dialled her number.

"Hey," I said on the call.

"Hi, teh! May kailangan you?" She energetically answered me.

"I need someone to talk to; can you come here?" I can't take my independence anymore. I've been feeling like a burden my whole life.

"Oo naman! Wait, cancel ko lang mga dance trainees ko."

"Huh? What the, you're busy, pala! 'wag na!" I panicked.

"Hindi, naneto ako bahala!" She laughed. "Sige na, I'll call Galilea and Sadie. Babush!" 

"Okay," I smiled. "Take care." I hung up the call, and a few minutes later, my close friends were already here.

"May problema ba?" Sadie started as soon as they got in my house. We all sat down on the big sofa before having conversations.

"Talk to us, Amara. It's okay to open up." Galilea gave me an assuring smile while Skylar was holding my left hand softly.

"Me and Machiko..." I started. "I think I like her, and there's a side of me that doesn't want to date her because of her career. I want her to have the best career ever. It was her dream; that's why she took a different path."

"I'm debating whether I should date her or not." I looked down.

"Huwag kang mag desisyon kung hindi ka pa sure. Pero ganoon naman kasi 'yun, Amara. May mga bagay na risky talaga kapag nagmamahal ka, lalo na at idol siya. Kung pipiliin ka niya, subukan mong mag try na tanggapin iyon buong puso mo, kung gusto mo talaga siya," Sadie said.

"Pero diba, there's this saying that to love is to let go. Baka ganoon din ang point of view ni Amara." Galilea spoke; what she said was true.

"Opposite ang perspectives ni Sadie at Galilea tungkol d'yan, pero ako Amara, pag-usapan niyo ng maayos bago ka bumalik ng US. Last mo nalang next week, diba?" Skylar smiled. "Pag-usapan niyo, mag-intindihan kayo, okay?"

I nodded. "Kasalanan ko naman siguro 'to, ako ang nagsimula, eh." I laughed bitterly. "I asked for a night, and we just couldn't let it go anymore."

"I wanted to hide what we did, but when she showed me herself, I fell for her na para ba'ng ang lakas niya naman sa akin. Machiko is an amazing person." I spoke, tearing up again; they were just comforting me on my side.