WALKING DISASTERS | Jack Thompson

20.

"COULDN'T SLEEP EITHER?"

Sera was startled by the voice as she walked quietly through the camp. She had managed to get a few hours sleep, but she had woken up after a bad dream and couldn't find it in her to close her eyes again. Europe was a trap of bad memories mingled with the good, and while she could keep the bad ones at bay while awake, they came crawling out to hunt at night when she couldn't fight them off. At the sound of the voice, she turned and found Jack sitting by the dying fire, poking the embers with a stick.

"Probably not for the reasons you think," Sera replied.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jack asked.

Sera shrugged, sitting down beside Jack. "I had a bad dream."

"A bad dream?" Jack asked, and he saw Sera tense, evidently waiting for the teasing. "What about?"

"Bucky."

"Oh."

"I just... he was the first man I ever..." Sera stumbled over her words as she tried to find words to string together. "He was so good, and thinking about him hurts more than it comforts me, especially given where we are, you know? And I know he wouldn't want me to feel like this, and he'd want me to move on with my life, but I don't know how," she sighed. "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. You probably don't care."

"No, I do," Jack said. "And I'm glad you feel you can talk to me."

Sera gestured at their sleeping companions. "Everyone else is a bit useless."

"So I'm just convenient?"

"Yes."

"Wow, Stark, that hurts."

"Whoops," she shrugged, her small smile fading back into a saddened expression. "I want to move on with my life, but every time I think about being with somebody else, I feel so guilty."

"Why?" Jack asked. "I'm sure Barnes would want you to-"

"It's not about Bucky," Sera said. "I'd feel guilty because I don't know whether I'll ever truly get over losing him, and I don't want whoever comes next to feel like they're... I don't know, not as great as Bucky, o-or second place to him."

"I honestly don't know what to say," Jack said.

"Of course you don't," Sera replied, but there was no malice in her tone. She was just happy to have somebody to talk to. "You're a man. Men don't overthink this much and they sure as shit don't know how to handle relationship problems."

"I'm sure whoever comes next will understand, though," Jack said. "I would."

"I just have to find the right man," Sera said. "That's what Peggy always says. The trick is finding the right man, which has always been difficult."

"How so?"

"Because I'm a walking disaster," Sera replied. "Lord knows how I managed to get Bucky to even give me a second look. I mean, I'm not as famous as Howard and I'm not as successful and I'd rather be up to my neck in danger than housekeeping."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Jack said.

"You seemed to have a huge problem with that," Sera said. "Because in your head, all women are good for is cooking and keeping the bed warm."

"I never said that," Jack replied.

"You didn't need to," Sera said. "It's implied in most things you say."

Jack had never considered a relationship before, preferring to stay married to his work, but with Sera, it was different. She wasn't like most of the women he met; she didn't conform to stereotypes or let other people dictate her life for her. She took matters into her own hands, and that's what Jack admired about her. The teasing from her colleagues and the relentless barrage of misogyny was constantly testing her, pushing her until she snapped, and he realised that the comments about her were not going to be the ones that hurt her, but bringing her friends and family into it was, and he didn't want to ever hurt her like he already had.