Stillness of Love

10

I've been avoiding Pierre for days, unable to bring myself to face him after the day when someone came and saying he's giving back a necklace to Pierre that Pierre gave to Ellyza. It's not like I haven't deserved it, though. I'm the one who left him and avoided him.

But that doesn't change the ache in my chest every time I think about him. The jealousy really got me stumped. I shouldn't be feeling this way–we weren't even dating, just a something that I don't know... fling? No.

But those kiss, that night... it shook something deep within me.

I try to reason with myself, reminding myself that I knew all along that our connection was temporary. I was just passing through, and Pierre was a distraction from the uncertainty of my own life.

Ayaw kong magkaroom pa kami ng kung anong relasyon o namamagitan sa 'min, reason of that I'd eventually have to leave him behind to return to Canada. But the rational part of my brain seems to be overruled by the emotions that linger, making it hard to shake off the feeling of jealousy.

I keep telling myself that I have no right to feel this way, that I shouldn't be attached to someone who's not mine to be attached to. But the memory of his touch, his kiss, keeps haunting me, refusing to let go.

I stand in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection with a mix of frustration and desperation. I need a distraction, a way to drown out the thoughts of Pierre and the feelings that come with them. I grab my purse and head out, making my way to the nearest bar na nadadaanan ko nung mga nakakaraan.

As I walk in, the sounds of laughter and music envelop me, and I make my way to the bar, ordering a whiskey on the rocks. The harsh liquor burns going down, but I welcome the numbness it brings. Maybe tonight, I can forget about Pierre, forget about the ache in my chest, and just be alone with my own thoughts.

I lost myself in the music, letting the beat guide my movements as I twirled across the dance floor. The dim lights and thumping bass created a sense of anonymity, and for a moment, I felt free. But that freedom was short-lived.

As I spun around, a strong arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me close. I immediately froze, my heart skipping a beat. I tried to shake off the unwanted touch, turning to face the stranger. That's when I saw him–Pierre's piercing eyes locked onto mine, his smile spreading across his face like a sunrise.

My grip on his hand tightened involuntarily as I tried to process this unexpected turn of events. "What are you doing here?" I demanded, my voice barely above a whisper.

Pierre's grin faltered, and he released my hand, taking a step back. "I could ask you the same thing," he replied, his eyes scanning the crowded room. "I didn't expect to find you here."

I crossed my arms over my chest, "alam mo, kaya hindi kita pinapansin kasi naiilang ako sa presensya mo," that's a lie. "tapos ngayon? Suspot kang bigla at yayakapin mo ako bigla."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to ruin your night. I just...I couldn't help myself when I saw you dancing."

Huh? Why was he affecting me like this?

"Well, consider yourself lucky na hindi ako may ari ng bar na ito, dahil kung ako lang I'm asking you to leave," I said, turning back towards the dance floor.

Pierre caught my arm, his grip gentle but insistent. "Wait," he said, his voice low and urgent. "Can we talk? Just for a minute?"

I hesitated, unsure of what to do. Part of me wanted to slam his hand away again and tell him to leave me alone forever. Another part of me... another part of me wanted to hear what he had to say, to understand what was going on behind those piercing eyes. Ayoko na mg ganitong pakiramdam na gulong-gulo!