Petrichor

Eyes

Eleanors pov

I kept myself busy with the play. It was easy to ignore how at breakfast last week after our fight, he got up and went to sit with his lacrosse friends, letting me sit with our friends. It was especially easy to ignore Luce telling me that he feels guilty. Because he should feel guilty and I don't need to do anything about it. 

The play was tomorrow, Dillon understood my nerves as she had her ballet performance at the spring festival too. But my nerves were also about Graham. 

Was he still going to go? He used to mention how he was looking forward to it. He would also help me with lines and now whenever I rehearse I thought of him. 

If he was going I'd have to perform in front of him with those lines and I know what he will be thinking. The chemistry between the two main characters, regardless of the old dialogue, we went through it together. I hope he doesn't go. 

If we were in the world as adults, outside of Alexandria Lunetta Academy, avoiding him would be so much easier. But in our school, living on campus and being in the same friend group makes it impossible to properly get over him. The old eleanor who didn't allow emotions when it came to boys, would be saying "well then get under him". But I know I can't do that. It's Graham. 

I'm constantly reminded of things. How we'd be touching each other all the time, even if it was just our arms up against each other while resting them on a table or cuddling so close you'd think we were one person. 

And the bloody eye contact. The way he looks at me now is so painful to bear, but then I know I'm most likely doing the same to him. 

These things replay in my mind it makes it impossible to live my life without thinking about him. I really should be focusing on the play. For example, we're assigning headsets and double checking all the technological aspects and they've called my name and I am not speaking. 

Our rehearsal dragged on, but everything was prepared, we just kind of had to perform and that was it. 

I was walking out, lighting up a cigarette when I saw none other than the cretin himself. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked him coldly. I saw him deep breath and join next to me as I sped walked towards Windsor. 

"I was just wondering if you were okay with me going to tomorrow." I didn't reply, or look at him, I just took a nice long drag and wondered what it would be like to walk back home peacefully, which meant a world without Graham. "If you don't want me there I'd understand."

"That would be the least you can do." I said. I felt like lately I've been blurting out rude comments and sarcasm to see if he's hurt by it, to see if I really meant that much to him. 

"Come on," he said and I stopped outside my building and turned to him. He seemed over it. But did that mean he wanted to get over the dynamic we have now and go back to before? Or are my words bothering him?

"I honestly could not care less if you were there. Now go back to your dorm because you're being dodgy." I saw his last expression before turning and going in my building and I immediately wanted to look at something else. He wasn't allowed to look defeated and disappointed like that; it answered my earlier question though. Git.

 He made me this way with his thoughtless jealousy and immaturity. Honestly sometimes I wonder how his mother came out with polar opposite people. 

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"You're going to be amazing, I've practically sen the whole thing already. I can't wait to see it all put together!" Luce said, giving me a hug before she had to leave from backstage. Dillon was stretching beside us, and she looked deep in thought.