"There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery"
-Dante Alighieri
After many years of drug and booze fuild party's, late night and regrets. Your early 20s at the time were fun and exciting, but nothing, and no one could prepare you for the aftermath of what could and has happened to you from all the cocaine and alcohol nights. It has left you feeling drained mentally, suicidal thoughts run ramped in your head every second of every day that passes. A deep depression has forme around you like a thick cloud of disparity. Anxiety runs rampant through your body, making you feel as if you can not control your body at times. And stress fills your days with dread, going to work in the office in a bland job where you are shouted at almost regularly on a daily bases from faceless people on a telephone or being made to work long hours in a unsatisfactory and underpaid job.
You are at the end of the rope. A bullet in the chamber with the hammer cocked. Looking over the abyss inching yourself closer and closer to the edge for the darkness to embrace you to make the pain and suffering end. You sit on the end of your bed with your head in your hands, wanting it to all end. You want the demons inside to stop, and the only way out that you can see is to end it all. Your partner is trying their best to help you. Although you put a smile on your face like a mask hiding your true emotions, you tell them you are okay, but deep down, you truly are not.
Today is the day you are finally going to end it all. As you get up off your bed trying not to disturb your partner, you start to get dressed, every piece of clothing an effot to put on your body, as you dress yourself one final time. You look outside, and the sun is peeking through rain clouds as if ilthe suns rays are trying there best to break through the dark clouds to get to me, and the rain is so light it looks like a shimmering wave of mist over the city. You enter the bath room and brush your teeth wondering why, thinking to yourself "Whats the point in me doing this" you look up to the mirror and gaze at the reflection, the thing staring back at you you dont recomize anymore. As if an empty shell of unrecognisable features is looking back, but somthing is off with with the reflection not what is refelxted back of yourself in the mirror but as if there is somthing hovering behind you and over you. You look closely, and you can barely make out a face. You turn your head with a sharp jerk of your neck and look behind you, but nothing is there. You spash your face and rubb your eyes hard to the extent that you start to see swirls and colours behind tohr eyelids and then you look to the mirror again and you just see a reflecton of yourself now looking tired, exhuated, defeated. With your heart racing from what you think you have saw you quickly exit the bath room forgetting to turn off the light, You have given up you feel as if your losing your mind, as you walk over to the kitchen you pick up a pen and paper and write out your final goodbye to your loved ones. You kiss your partner on their forehead, grabbing your coat, leaving your keys and mobile phone, and walk out the door for the last time.
YOU ARE READING
A Personal Inferno
Misterio / SuspensoYou, as the reader, follow the story of an unnamed protagonist who has spiralled into a deep mental health crisis, trying to fight their demons and is on the verge of giving up. On their last day, when they are going to end it, you stumble across Dr...
