I love you || Billie Eilish

Congratulations ⚠️

February 27. 2021:
Billie's documentary came out yesterday and I watched it immediately.
I wanted to call Billie but I don't know. We haven't talked since my birthday, we didn't send any texts not even when it was Christmas or New Year's.
I called Maggie today cause yesterday I was pretty tired and busy so I couldn't call.
It's 11am in La and 7pm here.
(Hazel is this and Maggie is this and Billie is this)

-Hey Maggie-
-Hi sweetie. How are you?-
-doing little better. How's everything-
-Good. Billie is here if you want to say hi-
-Yeah I want to congratulate her about the document-
-Okay, hold on-
-Yup-
-Hi Hazel-
-Hi Billie. Umm congratulations on the new document-
-Thanks. It came out yesterday and we watched it-
-i watched it when it came out. It was amazing even though everything yk. It took me back-
-Yeah it did. Why didn't you call me back-
-What do you mean-
-You called me last year on my birthday but when I called you back you didn't answer-
-I can't remember maybe I was tired-
-oh. I just wonder what happened-
-Yeah well, you had company so you probably had amazing time-
-What?-
-Sorry to interrupt but Finneas is here-
-Yeah okay-
-Yeah I have to go. bye-
-Hazel?-

I hung up.
I don't know what to say to her. I love her but I don't think she has a feelings towards me anymore.

SH⚠️
I went to my bathroom, closed my door, took a blade out and sat on the floor.
I have to, I can't deal with this anymore.
How can someone feel so incredibly lost, horrible and like you are nothing and you are invisible and without no reason which is even harder to not know what the reason is than knowing.
I don't know maybe it's because everything that happened.
I wake up every day feeling like this and thinking that "really I have to do this again".
I want to end it all but I can't do it to Maggie.
I put the blade close to my skin, feeling cold medal on my arm.
I started cutting my arm, cut by cut.
Pressing the blade into my skin making it bleed.
Tears rolling down my face, closing my eyes.
I made few cuts, couple bleed more than others.
I pressed a towel on my arm, It hurts to touch my arm.
I wiped the blood away from the floor, cleaned my wounds and the blade.
I hid the blade and went to my closet to find a hoodie to cover up the marks.

I was putting on the hoodie and Rudy walked in.
"Hey La-" - Rudy
She quickly turned around.
"Sorry didn't know you were changing your clothes" - Rudy
"It's fine London" - Hazel
I was done putting my hoodie and got my phone.
"What's up?" - Hazel
"I just wanted to ask if you want Chinese? We are ordering" - Rudy
"Yeah sure. Who is we?" - Hazel
"Me, Melissa, Thomas and Alex" - Rudy
"Yeah okay. I'll be down in a second" - Hazel
"Okay. See ya then" - Rudy
She left my room.
I sat there a while just to breathe.
After a while I went downstairs.
"So Chinese even though it's 7.30 pm?" - Hazel
"We are hungry" - Melissa
"Me and Rudy are going to this party tomorrow, you wanna come?" - Alexander
"I don't know yet. I have work tomorrow so" - Hazel
"I have work too but we are leaving at 10 pm" - Rudy
"Yeah but if I'm tired" - Hazel
"I get it" - Alexander
"Why you don't never invite us to the party's?" - Thomas
"If you guys want to come you can" - Alexander
"I'm down" - Melissa
We sat there eating and shit chatting.
"Let's watch a movie" - Rudy
"How about horror?" - Thomas
"No let's watch Spider-Man" - Hazel
"The new one?!" - Melissa
"Yup!!" - Hazel
"LETS GOO" - Rudy
"Why are you so hyped about the new spider man movie? Me and Thomas wanted to watch a horror" - Alexander
"Ladies first you know. It's our time to choose" - Melissa
"You guys choose the last time" - Thomas
"Whatever. We are watching Spider-Man you liked it or not" - Hazel
"And you don't wanna fight with Hazel. She loooves Spider-Man" - Rudy
"Exactly!" - Hazel
We went to our cinema room and I put it on.
We had popcorn and soda.
It was an amazing movie and we fell asleep in the room after we talked about the movie.
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