I love you || Billie Eilish

I know⚠️

I was talking to Finn.
(Hazel is this and Finneas is this)

-Just don't hurt yourself anymore-
-I haven't-
-Don't lie to me dummy-
-I don't-
-I see it on your face. Remember that i love you and I will always be here for you-
-I know. I just wanna come home-
-I want that too-
-How's Billie?-
-She is great. She has a concert in a week-
-That's good. Umm-
-What's up-
-She umm does she have a boyfriend?-
-ohhh nooo. She doesn't-
-Okay-
-How's work-
-I'm hostess-
-That's cool. You should do modeling when you get home-
-I have thinking about that. I can't work at the restaurant cause too many Billie's fans know me-
-Yeah. I have to go, Billie and her umm friend is here-
-Oh okay. I'm going to sleep. Bye and love you-
-Love you too-

I hung up, he definitely lied to me. I hear it in his voice.
I went to the bathroom.
Do it
The voice inside my head is killing me
I opened the shower and took my blade out.
sh⚠️
I started cutting myself and tears just started falling down.
There was a knock on my door and I panicked.
I accidentally cut myself deep, TOO DEEP.
Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!!
"Hey El, I wanted to check up on you. I know that you are struggling so" - Melissa
Blood started falling on the floor and there was a lot of blood.
I can hear her behind the door.
I apply pressure to the cut but it was too deep.
"Hazel?" - Melissa
She tried the door knob but it was locked.
"Hazel are you alright?" - Melissa
I have lost too much blood, it won't stop.
Just answer her god.
You can speak don't you?
"Umm ill be right there" - Hazel
You dumb idiot! Now she knows!!
You could have said that you are fine!!
"Okay" - Melissa
My arm is still bleeding.
I need help
No you don't. If you tell her, she will never see you the same again. She will throw you out.
I'm bleeding too much.
I'm getting dizzy.
If you die, everything is going to be fine. Billie can be happy with her boyfriend. She chose him over you.
I opened the bathroom door.
"I- I need help" - Hazel
Melissa was sitting on my chair, her back was towards me.
"What's wrong?" - Melissa
She got up and turned to look at me.
"Hazel what's-" - Melissa
She saw your arm!! Run!! Go!!
She basically runned over to me.
"I need-" - Hazel
Everything went dark.

I woke up.
I don't know where I was.
I heard lot of noise.
"I'm calling soon as I hear more"
Then everything went black

"Hazel? Open your eyes please"
I slowly opened my eyes and looked around.
"She is a wake Mel" - Rudy
"Wha- what happened" - Hazel
"You lost a lot of blood. You are now in the hospital" - Melissa
"Doctor is coming" - Rudy
Then the door opened.
"Good morning Miss Jones. Good to see you wake. You lost a lot of blood and that's why you fainted. You are now in the hospital and getting the help you need" - Doctor
You failed
"How long was I out?" - Hazel
"About 4 hours" - Rudy
"I would want you to meet our psychiatrist and see what they say. How about that?" - Doctor
"I don't need one. I have a therapist" - Hazel
"Your therapist is the one who wants you to talk to her. You cut yourself really badly" - Rudy
"I don't want to. I can get clean on my own" - Hazel
"Maggie wants you to see her" - Melissa
"You called Maggie?" - Hazel
"Yeah" - Melissa
"You shouldn't!" - Hazel
"Let's all just calm down" - Doctor
"What the hell I can do when you faint in my arms, bleeding very badly!!" - Melissa
"Okay calm down" - Rudy
"Let's all just take a break" - Doctor
"I need to call her. Can you guys go" - Hazel
They walked out and I dialed Maggie's number.
(Hazel is this and Maggie is this)

-Hazel!?-
-Hi-
-Are you okay?-
-Yeah-
-Why did you do that!-
-It was accident-
-Why did you cut yourself. You promised-
-I couldn't do it anymore-
-That's it, I'm flying down there-
-Don't. I'll be fine-
-No you won't-
-I will-
-I won't come if you see a psychiatrist-
-You cant be serious-
-I'm and I'm going to tell Billie-
-Don't tell her! Fine I'll see the psychiatrist. Don't come and don't tell Billie, she wouldn't care anyway-
-What do you mean-
-Nothing. I have to rest-
-Okay. Melissa updates me if anything happens. I love you, remember that-
-Yeah yeah and I love you too Maggie-

She hung up. Well that went great.
After a while the psychiatrist came over and we talked.
"That's good Hazel. I'll see you soon" - Psychiatrist Jenna
"November 25?" - Hazel
"Yeah" - Jenna
"Okay" - Hazel

Time jump November 25 2021:
"So Hazel. What did you do for your 20 birthday?" - Jenna
"Nothing. I was home, I didn't wanna see anyone so I was alone. Maggie, Patrick and Finneas called and that's it. Alexander came over and asked how I was and stuff" - Hazel
"Billie didn't call or text?" - Jenna
"No and Why would she, she doesn't want to be in touch since she has a boyfriend" - Hazel
"How's work?" - Jenna
"I don't work anymore" - Hazel
"Why not?" - Jenna
My depression has come bad and I fucking hate everything.
"I don't feel like it. I don't want to be alive so why would I want to do anything" - Hazel
"So do you lay in your bed?" - Jenna
"Yeah and listen to music" - Hazel
"What do you listen?" - Jenna
"Songs" - Hazel
"Billie's songs?" - Jenna
I nodded
"Do you talk with Maggie or rest of your family?" - Jenna
"They call but I just don't answer if I don't feel like talking. I usually just send a text that says "I'm sorry, I'm just too busy right now" - Hazel
"How about Billie?" - Jenna
"Haven't talk to her since Grammys" - Hazel
"Why's that?" - Jenna
"Don't know" - Hazel
"Have you hurt yourself" - Jenna
I was quiet.
"Hazel?" - Jenna
"Yeah I have. So fucking what" - Hazel
"We made a deal, you try to stop and come to talk with me and if that doesn't work we can get you to a hospital or something else" - Jenna
"Yeah yeah" - Hazel
"Have you take your medication for the depression?" - Jenna
"Everyday" - Hazel
"Good. It seems like your depression has gone worse so remember take your medication" - Jenna
"Yeah. Our hour is over" - Hazel
"It seems so. Is Melissa still coming to get you" - Jenna
"Yeah she is. She probably is waiting" - Hazel
"That's good. I'll walk you down so i can talk to her a little" - Jenna
"So she can report to Maggie" - Hazel
"Yeah it's either that or Maggie comes here" - Jenna
"Yeah I get it" - Hazel
We went outside and Melissa was waiting.
"I'll wait in the car" - Hazel
I sat down in front seat and I heard them talking.
"How's she?" - Melissa
"She is struggling really badly. She told me that she don't work anymore" - Jenna
"Yeah, we made that decision together. She is not a good shape to work" - Melissa
"That was a good decision. She needs to take her medication" - Jenna
"I'll make sure she takes it" - Melissa
"Good. Call me if anything happens and see you in next session. I'll text the time" - Jenna
"Thanks" - Melissa
Melissa got in the car and we drove off.
"I brought you some Taco Bell" - Melissa
"Thanks" - Hazel
I gave her a little smile and started eating.
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