Days Go Bye | Rick Grimes

Confession and Fear.

Chapter Twelve

I was told Rick would be going to "talk" to the Governor, after about a week of silence. Andrea had asked it of us, and Rick looked at me with this look... I nodded when it was decided, maybe it would be best and by now, it's been four weeks since Judith was born, and she was growing fast. I stayed back at the Prison when, Daryl, Rick and Hershel left, I was left in charge with Glenn, who I didn't know was 100% since what happened between him, Maggie and the Governor. I was worried about Rick, deeply, and I started to think about how much the Governor had an advantage over Rick in a lot of ways that he didn't have, i thought of ways that... Rick could get jumped, or shot at as they hid in the woods. They have done it before and will do it again. I watched them all take care of the guns when Merle brought up the idea of just leaving and killing the governor. I watched the debate before I finally spoke, firm as I bounced my baby. When Merle commented on Rick's head being on a pike- I couldn't take it.

"We aren't leaving. Period. Don't talk to my boy like that, and if I hear it again, I'll remove you from this prison whether it's alive or dead, because fuck blood." I growled. "My decision is final and I'm sure Glenn agrees," I said.

"I do," he said walking out of the room. I looked at Merle.

"Fuck blood? that why you taking care of kids that aren't yours while he's out there having a dick-measuring contest?" He asked walking toward me. "I liked you back before you were all mother, seemed fun." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"I am, just never would be with you, fucking deadbeat," I said and he stared laughing a little. Maggie laughed too because it was funny. "Now, I'm taking care of kids that are mine now, because I decided that, their mom and father did too, so fuck off and keep your dick in your pants, because we all know it's small," I said making a reference from his dick-measuring one, walking to get Jude food, Maggie laughed again, as he stood there watching me. I walked out of the room and soon heard struggling. "Beth!" I yelled and she ran up to me. "Make them stop, any way you can, shoot a gun or something," I said and she nodded, looking already like she was frustrated with it as well, I heard the gun go off and it went silent, I put Jude down and locked her in the cell, not trusting Merle. I walked out and saw Michonne walking in and walking over to me.

"I know what the Governor wants." She whispered and I looked at her. "He wants me."

"I know. Because of what you did to him." I asked and she nodded.

"What I did, to his daughter." I froze, I looked at her in disbelief, there's no way she killed a little girl. "I found her, turned, and in chains, in a cell. He had her as a walker, sitting in his room." She said and I felt relief. "I put her down, and he almost killed me because of it." She said and I nodded.

"He thinks you killed his daughter," I said rubbing my face. I shook my head, before nodding. "You think he's gonna make Rick give you over for peace," I muttered and she nodded again. "We'll see but, can you watch Merle?" I asked, and she nodded.

I walked out and went to find Glenn, but I turned a corner and saw him and Maggie kissing, so I turned immediately and walked away, I sat in Rick and My cell as I thought and thought, I thought about the Love Glenn and Maggie had, and I couldn't help but think about Rick, I think I finally had enough, I remembered years ago when I almost moved away because of Lori, I remembered how she would bring Rick to a lot of our hang outs, I remember yelling at her at some point, saying I felt like she was all about him and not about me, she explained that she loved him and that she just wanted him around, and I told her I was jealous because I wanted to love, Lori and I were always real with each other, in most ways, but I never verbally said I was jealous cause I wanted Rick and not just love, that was the same year she set me up with Shane, and when we broke up, I drowned myself in work, because... I didn't want men, they made me uncomfortable, to many experiences with creeps or creepy advances, but the only one that didn't was Ricks. I hated myself for a long time before the feelings just left, I stopped feeling that way around Rick and we became good friends, and I was there, but now I realize, maybe those feelings were never gone, I just stopped letting myself feel it, it was a boundary I set with myself and would never cross so I stopped feeling it, made myself stop feeling it, and now, it was all rushing back, I remembered last night when his hands were on me, and he pulled me close to him, it was all I could think of. Rick would come home and tell us we were good for dead... I can't die knowing he never knew how I felt. It would depend on how it turned out. I heard a knock and I looked up seeing- Rick. He looked concerned upon seeing me.