Between the Cracks // 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓦𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓵𝓮𝔂

37. Distraction

TW: leaning towards self harming behaviour. Take care of yourselves <3

Chapter 37: Distraction

The corridor bustled with people: students running left and right, trying to catch classes, or perhaps trying to avoid them. Leigh didn't fit into either category, merely standing in place witnessing the chaos.

The adrenaline heightened by the Arithmancy exam had coursed through her veins, and her right hand had cramped slightly from her rapid writing.

She had handed in her written exam pretty much during the last 10 seconds of the available time, something which had never happened before.

It had not been a good one, that was for sure. She had tried her best to push the thought of it out of her head and carry on with her day, but it stubbornly crawled back in, making an agitated feeling gnaw within her.

She knew she didn't have the results yet – they wouldn't have that for another week or so – but still she felt overcome with disappointment. This was supposed to be her thing, where she could prove herself, and she felt like she had failed miserably in doing so.

She fought her way through the final class of the day but once that was over she was dying to get away from the noise. Even after the exam she was desperate to move away from the chitter chatter and discussions of what everyone had written. Every word, every syllable, seemed to overwhelm her senses.

Knowing both her dorm and the common room would be far from quiet, she made her way towards the library, at once enjoying the quiet once she entered the area. The buzzing in her head, which had been going on ever since the test, started to subside, leaving her with a dull headache. She took a breath.

Her legs made their way over to a corner of the nearly empty library, and she sat herself down with a thud, throwing her things on the table. She opened a book in front of her, mostly as a way to not make her time feel completely wasted. She knew she wouldn't look in it anytime soon.

With a groan she let her head fall into her hands. Her eyes felt heavy, and she considered falling asleep right there and then.

The scratchy texture of the bandage around her left hand was felt upon her face, and she lifted her head to look at it begrudgingly. She couldn't even blame her Arithmancy failure on the damn hand. What's the point of getting an injury if you can't blame all your shortcomings on it?

Leigh knew she should go over to Madam Pomphrey's and get it fixed, like she had planned, but just the thought of going over there to be interrogated made her headache multiply by 10. At least. She would do it in a bit.

Sighing, she started to take the bandage off. The numbing spell was still in effect, so she thankfully didn't feel a lot. The gash still looked gnarly, and she grimaced as the bandage stuck to her wound. Dried blood layered the bandage, and in separating it from the wound, blood once again started to present itself on her skin. Not a lot, but enough to indicate it was far from healing on its own.

She bit her lip, letting her gaze trace the wound. Grabbing her wand, she removed the numbing spell, immediately wincing as the pain hit her, her body tensing. She scrunched her face up, feeling like the breath was knocked out of her lungs. Jesus. She mumbled the numbing spell again and visibly relaxed as its effects washed over her.

She looked back to her open book, rolling her eyes to herself before closing it. There was no kidding herself - she knew that she would get absolutely nothing done today.

Her eyes trailed down to her hand again, seeing the reddening of the skin surrounding the gash. "Ferula." A new bandage wrapped itself around her hand, and she let it plop down upon the table in front of her. As good as new.

-

As had become routine, Leigh woke up with a gasp in the early morning hours the next day. The day outside was dark, and nothing but her own heavy breathing was heard in the room.

Her chest heaved, and her wide eyes blinked frenetically, trying to rid themselves of the images which flashed before her eyes only moments before. The numbing spell had subsided during the night, leaving her to feel a dull pain throbbing in her hand, and without questioning her actions she reached over with her right hand to press against the wound.

She gasped as the dull pain turned into a sharp stabbing sensation. A sense of relief washed over her as she was pulled from the memories and feelings that lingered after her nightmare. Slowly but surely the heavy thumping in her chest calmed down, and a few moments later she felt her body relax, no longer rigid with fear and shock.

Leaning her head back against the headboard she let out a breathy groan. Waking up in a cold sweat was getting old.

-

She woke up again a few hours later, now with the intent of rushing off to her classes of the day. She quickly changed her bandage, seeing as the old one now had a scarlet tint on the palm, before throwing on a thick jumper with long sleeves and rushing out the door.

For some reason she couldn't stay focused. Time and time again she felt herself losing attention, and the contents of the class slipped through her grasp. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or perhaps the weirdly cloudy feeling she felt in her chest, but she was completely and irrevocably unfocused and she didn't know what to do about it.

She kept to herself, having her nose deep in her notebook. To an onlooker she probably looked as usual, but this time around she wasn't making notes, but rather doodling, swivelling her quill in circles over and over, watching the ink poison the paper.

She found herself wishing class was over - wishing the day was over.

Her history of magic class was next, and time dragged on slowly as she tried her best to stay focused, or at least tried to fight off the restlessness and growing anxiety. Her leg bounced below the desk, and her lip felt raw from nibbling on it.

Her gaze slowly drifted from the front of the classroom, across her desk and landing on her hand, covered by her sleeve. All around her people were taking notes and paying attention, or at least pretending to do so, but Leigh couldn't tear her gaze from its target.

With her wand still lying on her desk, untouched, she whispered the familiar words under her breath, removing the numbing spell. Her leg stopped bouncing at once, and she took a breath as the familiar pain erupted.

For a moment she was proud she had managed to do it wandless, but the thought left her mind just as quickly as it entered it.

She revelled in the feeling for another moment before mumbling the numbing spell again, deciding to look back towards the front of the classroom.

During lunch the same day she removed the numbing spell completely, sitting in a corner of the library. In the back of her mind she knew it was stupid, but there was some kind of curiosity about how calm the pain made her feel that made her continue.

The rest of the day was a blur. The only moments she felt herself have any ounce of clarity was when she pressed against the bandage covered by her sleeve. Of course she was going to get it fixed, but for some reason she didn't know when. Maybe Madam Pomphrey would ask too many questions, especially now when Leigh put it off for so many days. And maybe Leigh would just miss the feeling, the distraction.

Truth is the anxiety was eating away at her, and as much as she knew that her academic work meant a lot to her, she knew it wasn't the only reason for the internal storm ravaging through her. It was a long time coming, and it was pulling her under.