This Ain't Home

"welcome home?"

'Home.' Saying home, it seeemed weird. Home wasn't a real place, at least not for a certain boy. 'Home.' That was like a forbidden word, a curse, to Ponyboy, although the word was thrown around all over the place, it never had an actual meaning to him. When he thought he finally found a home he'd stay at-... It wasn't a true thing, maybe to other people, the little boys with a nice dad, who doesn't get thrown into jail for killing a guy in a cop shootout, robbing stores or something? Maybe a mom too, who doesn't pass away because-... never mind. 'Home.' Ponyboy thought, he guessed the whole concept of "home." was something he'd never truly know, something he didn't think he'd understand, and he definitely knew it would be something he'd never learn what it actually was, what it was about or what was even actually considered "home."

No matter how hard he tried, he didn't think he would ever figure out what "home" was truly about. "You're gonna get a good house sooner or later, I'm sure of it." That's what his social worker, Ms. Stacey says to him almost every single time. She's real nice, well... only when she wanted to be. Sometimes she'd call him just to check in, even if she was required to do that... she'd give him a lollipop if he was good for the family he was meeting, or give him a dollar to save for later... maybe even a hug whenever she'd have to say goodbye to him, even if he wanted to say bye anyway. Ponyboy found some kind of weird comfort in her, she's been around longer than half of the families he's been in. But, that doesn't mean he'd consider her family at all. She was okay, nice sometimes, but awful at others. She'd call Ponyboy trouble lots of the time, telling him he needs to at least TRY to be nice to the people in the homes he'd stay at, but he never found any worth in actually trying to do that, not after the second home he was put into. Ponyboy knew that each house that he would go to wouldn't last long, maybe a year if he was lucky enough to be stuck with someone who actually cared! But, everyone knew that wouldn't happen, it was more of just a dream, a way of coping with his harsh reality. For Ponyboy, he would go to a better place of mind. Thinking about running away and watching the sunsets on top of hills with trees around; a nice breeze blowing his now blonde-ish hair. Whenever something went wrong, even if Ponyboy slipped up the slightest bit, he'd probably be kicked out of his house and said that he was nothing but trouble. Even Ms. Stacey knew that it would most likely be a few weeks, maybe months if Ponyboy kept his act together, until they'd be in this minivan again going to a new house. Ponyboy was always deemed as "a troubled kid", or "just a handful...", maybe even "not a right fit." It was always something, so each time that it did end up happening; he was already awaiting it. His finger was tapping against the window lightly, focusing on the noises of his fingernail tapping against the glass, focused on the way his leg bounced up and down which surprisingly wasn't because of the van he was in. He hated this van; everything about this would give him memories since he was at least five years old. He sighed, he tried to think about a movie instead of all of this... he liked movies.

"Ponyboy, please... will you try to be nice to these people?" His social worker said to Ponyboy, starting a conversation out of nowhere. It sounded like a question but he knew better than to think that, it was more of a demand. When he was finally waken out of his dazed state looking out of the window, his light brown eyes flickered to the older lady, maybe in her mid thirty's, in the front seat. She turned to look at him while at a red light, he just hummed in response with a roll of his eyes as he looked back out the window.

"I ain't wanna." He answered with a grunt, he was mad at thinking about meeting  a new family. Scared, but angry too. Ponyboy was chewing some cheap gum, but he couldn't complain... even if the piece of mint was loosing flavor and fast; but it was something that he needed to do, to at least try and calm his nerves the slightest bit. He would probably be going crazy right now without the gum, he tried not to spend the little money he was ever able to get his hands on (probably by stealing), but he knew this car ride was probably going to be one of the worst ones yet. He wished he had gotten a better flavor gum than mint, but he liked the smell of it and it reminded him of his mother.