This Ain't Home

"wakey wakey eggs and bakey"

Ponyboy tossed and turned against the ground; even if he was asleep his heart was racing and there were small tears forming which fell down his cheeks. His mind was spiraling with nightmares and thoughts of his past that he never wanted to think about again, that he didn't even want to mention, that he wished weren't even planted into his mind.

"Wakey wakey..." Sodapop whispered, he put his hand on Ponyboy's shoulder and shook him gently. Which, Ponyboy's eyes shot open in response. He didn't have time to study who it was, he just knew that he needed to move away from the body. A single hand, especially a strong one like Sodapop's or Darrel's, it could hurt him. It could beat him so bad that he couldn't feel his body for days after, that he would have to stay home from school for almost a week, a single strong hand could slap him that he would fall onto the bed and be raped so violently that his mind became a hazed fuzz of static. Ponyboy was moving so fast he hasn't realized he grabbed Soda's hand and scratched it while trying to get away. Well, there was scratches but Pony tried to dig his fingernails into his skin to make him get away from the younger boy.

"I-.. I ain't mean to scare you, hon." Sodapop said, his voice was sincere, it was soft, even if the younger had just scratched his hand and drew some blood. Ponyboy could tell that Soda somewhat cared about him, the way Soda called him 'hon' made him feel young again; like a child who's parent was telling him that there weren't any monsters under the bed. Ponyboy missed his mom, Soda was a boy- but something about the older kid reminded Pony of his mother. He was sweet and soft spoken; caring and nice. It made Pony want to start sobbing, why did this random person care about him more than almost anyone else has? Ponyboy continued to hold his body tightly as he leaned against the wall, his breath was shaky. It was awkwardly silent with his quick breaths; he wanted to calm down because at least now he knew that it was Soda, but he just couldn't calm himself down.

"It's okay, it's just me..." Sodapop said, confirming to Ponyboy that he could calm down; even if Pony couldn't. Sodapop slowly approached Ponyboy, but he didn't try to run which Soda thought that was better than the younger boy freaking out on him and trying to escape. Soda sat down next to the boy, and their breathing was almost in sync.

"It's Soda, I ain't gonna hurt you... I promise." Ponyboy took a deep breath and he wiped tears from his cheeks. Ponyboy thought the promise was just an empty one just as every other promise that was told to him.

"Darry told me to come in here an' get some sleep, thought you were gonna be in the bed..." He cleared his throat.

"But you're sleeping here on the floor, which... in my opinion it ain't too comfortable?"

"No.. It's-... It's fine." His voice said shakily, it was as quiet as a mouse. It was tired, nervous... he was feeling so many things at once. He hated the fact that his nightmares would always infect his mind, he could never escape from his past no matter how hard that he tried. Ponyboy rested his head on his knees, he was practically curled up while sitting. Maybe he wanted to just hide himself from Sodapop; but it wasn't exactly working.

"Ain't tryin'... tryin' to take your bed from you too. I already stole your room."

Pony knew he that he was supposed to be happy, comfortable and safe here, but he was still worried out of his mind. With each passing minute, even second, he could say or do something that would mess up this house. Which, Ponyboy had to admit that he didn't want to mess up here, he also had to admit that he WAS a bit comfortable here; well, maybe only with Sodapop. Soda had given him colorful food, which was fun! Sodapop had also given him chocolate cake, which he didn't eat much of but it was still good. Soda seemed like a nice person, just like Darrel had told him earlier when he first arrived. At least that's what Ponyboy could assume, the way Soda acted didn't seem scary, didn't seem like there was any intention of hurting him. Unless that's exactly what Soda was trying to do, make Pony vulnerable and hurt him.