This Ain't Home

"think twice before you step outside"

"Soda, please jus' let me teach him how to drive now!"

"No, you ain't gon' teach him before the race. 'Specially not in one of Buck's cars."

"Come on! It ain't that bad. I can teach him real fast if he pays attention."

"...Uh, we can always jus' wait 'til the weekend- right...? Probably got more time to uhm... practice drivin'?" Pony offered; his voice stopped the bickering between the two older boys. Soda just smiled and touched Pony's shoulder; which he flinched at so Soda just lowered his arm. He didn't seem bothered by Pony's discomfort which was strange. Soda saw the worry and nervousness on Pony's face when it came to him driving, so of course, he'd agree with the younger boy.

"The kids got some real smart ideas, maybe you should listen to him." Sodapop rolled his eyes at Steve and opened the back door for Pony before sitting in the front.

"Soda, shut your trap! I got good ideas too."

"Yeah, okay." Soda scoffed, the boys in the front didn't buckle their seatbelts which made Pony worry. Maybe he was a baby for bucking his seatbelt, but what if they all got into a car wreck? What if all of them died? Pony didn't want to die, he was far too young for death. Especially because of a car accident, he was lucky that he even survived that wreck with his last foster parent. Maybe God was there with him during that moment, maybe God was real. If God didn't exist, how did he survive that? Even the doctors said that he shouldn't have survived a crash that awful. That night Ponyboy had watched a mean lady die, but it was still traumatizing even if she was awful.

All of the blood, the broken bones? He knew if he even got behind the wheel he'd freak out, he'd shake so bad he couldn't think, he would forget everything that he ever knew about cars. He didn't know much about driving, not even about cars in general but the little bits of information he knew would leave his mind. Pony was extremely grateful that Sodapop saw his discomfort about driving, about even trying to get into the front seat and touch that steering wheel. It wasn't exactly that he didn't want to learn how to drive, he really did want to know how to drive, especially how to do it safely. Ponyboy was only terrified of something going wrong. He could die in a car, someone else could die in a car. What if he accidentally hit something? Back into the curb? If he damaged this car, Steve or Sodapop would've been awfully mad, maybe even the real owner of this car. Ponyboy didn't know the owner of the car, but he couldn't help but worry that the guy would hurt Steve, or even worse Sodapop. Why would Pony care if Steve got hurt though? He couldn't care less. Or, he shouldn't care. He shouldn't worry about what happens to anyone in Tulsa, it'd be maybe a month, maybe two before he had to pack up and leave these people behind.

Ponyboy couldn't handle the pain that came with being in cars. He was also worried he'd be inside of his own mind, thoughts overwhelming him as he tried to drive. After the accident with Mrs. Adkins, it had taken exactly a year for him to feel comfortable in a car again. He was forced to move soon after the accident though, and he freaked out so bad while sitting in the backseat Ms. Stacey had to give him a blanket and try to get him to sleep while she drove. Ponyboy had no clue what would happen if he was the one behind the wheel. He was school smart, but not driving smart, or any other kind of smart at all. He'd most likely end up hurting himself or someone he cared about, even if he didn't care about any of the people here.

His leg bounced up and down as beer bottles clanged against the floor; which almost created a music that filled the entire car. The bottles clashing together was only barely heard though. Steve and Soda were laughing and talking about nonsense, about pretty girls and cars. Typical teenage stuff. Sodapop did his best to include Pony in their conversations so he didn't feel left out, but Pony didn't really want to talk right now. He was better with his thoughts, but Pony truly appreciated the efforts that Soda was making. The radio was blasting loud music, which Ponyboy preferred over the awkward silence of car rides.