This Ain't Home

"haunted by the past"

Ponyboy's small body startled awake, his heart was racing and he felt warm tears falling down his cheeks. He looked around the unfamiliar room quickly, where the fuck was he!?

Oh, right. He was in a new house with new people. He felt his heart rise and fall with sharp breaths, was this death? Was he going to die if he kept breathing this felt? He felt so fucking sick that he was going to die. What the hell was happening?

"Ponyboy?" Soda asked, he set the book down on his lap and turned to look at Pony. Which, the younger boy wasn't aware of this, but his arms were wrapped tightly around Soda's body. Ponyboy sniffed quickly, he looked at Soda and realized his arms were held tightly around the older boy; so he moved his hands back to his sides and sat up.

"I'm sorry-... I'm sorry, I didn't realize-"

"Ponyboy, it's okay. I'm not mad." Sodapop spoke, he rested a hand in Pony's messy hair. He just sighed while looking at the boy, he felt pitiful for him. Ponyboy hated when people pitied him, it made him angry that people tried to feel bad even when they truly didn't care about him. He wanted to be mad at Sodapop, but he couldn't find it in himself now.

"I promise." Why was Sodapop so damn nice? Why was he so caring? Ponyboy hated it, he hated the false promises. Soda was definitely mad at him, so why was he lying? To build up his trust so he could tear everything away from his once again?

"Soda- I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." He shakily breathed, Soda sat up a bit straighter and held his arms out to his side a bit. They waited in a long silence, which felt like hours. Pony hesitantly wrapped his arms around Soda; he needed that hug. Ponyboy would hug Ms. Stacey if he was upset, she was the closest to his mother that he was ever going to get. His arms held onto Soda like this was the last time he was ever going to see the older boy better.

"It's okay, kid." Sodapop whispered to Pony, he rubbed his back gently. He didn't want to scare Pony, he didn't want to hurt him, he didn't want to ruin the trust. It was like a miracle that Pony even trusted somebody this much to touch them, to let them hug him back- Sodapop wouldn't want to ruin this now.

"...'m gonna get some water." Pony whispered as his arms unwrapped themselves from Soda's body. and stood form the bed; he felt his body shaky as he put a hand on the door knob, he opened the door quietly then shut it with that same silence. He carefully walked into the dark kitchen, to his surprise he saw someone standing there and it almost gave him a heart attack.

"...Kid?" Steve asked, he had been spending the night but his throat was dry and his stomach was growing for food. He looked through the fridge and pulled out a cold slice of pizza before looking back at Ponyboy.

"I'm sorry...- I didn't... I didn't know you were gonna be in here."

"Nah, it's fine. I don't actually live here, plus it's your first night." Steve responded, then  there was an awkward silence between the two of them, Ponyboy searched the cabinets for a cup and when he finally found them he filled it up with cold water and took a sip trying to clam his nerves down, but of course it didn't work. He just wanted to be better, he didn't want to be scared of Sodapop, he didn't wanna be scared of anyone actually. But, it was always better to have his guard up than leave it defenseless.

"Do you trust Darrel?" Steve asked out of nowhere, then biting into his cold slice of pizza. Ponyboy loved eating leftover pizza, especially cold. It was almost better that way. It reminded him of his mom, they'd have a pizza night on friday and eat pizza together. But the best thing was eating the cold slices for breakfast the next morning.

"Uhm... of course?" Ponyboy whispered his response, it wasn't the truth. Well, it sort of was. Ponyboy trusted Darry a little more after he had fixed his hand, but he looked so tough and stern that Pony didn't want to trust him.