Soulmates

I hate to admit - Part 2

Once home, I help Chris out of the car and into the living room. He is limping and every movement makes him wince and whine in pain. I don't have time to think about everything I'm feeling right now. I focus on washing and dressing his wounds. The water trickles down his body, red with blood. His back is covered in bruises. Chris, what have you done? I touch his sensitive skin as delicately as I can. He seems so fragile right now, like he could break at any point. We don't say a single word.

The boys are waiting for us in the living room. I let out a relieved sigh when I see none of them got hurt. Without them, I couldn't have acted that way. Chris wouldn't have been saved. I refrain from throwing myself in their arms to thank them, not knowing how he would react after everything that's happened.

"Thank you" is the only thing I manage to whisper right now. I have a lump in my throat. My eyes and nose feel itchy.

Chris and I find ourselves alone in our bedroom. He lies down on the bed and the pressure finally fades. I burst out crying. The emotions I've buried in the past few hours come out all at the same time. I feel so relieved that he was alive when I found him, but I'm so angry at him.

"Why did you have to leave?" I ask, still sobbing.

He doesn't answer. He just looks away.

"Answer me! I need to know!"

"All that stuff with the Omegas ― I kept thinking about it. I needed to know," he just says. He sounds exhausted.

"So you just left in the middle of the night, without telling anyone! You thought that was a good idea!"

I can't help but let my resentment out. Tears keep running down my cheeks. I'm so angry at him for putting himself in danger like that. For risking his life like that.

"Fuck, Chris! I ― You ―"

I have no words.

"I didn't want to worry you guys. I didn't want to put you in danger."

"You can't make those types of decisions on your own! They concern all of us!"

"But it's my duty to protect the pack. To protect you."

"Have you ever stopped to wonder how I was feeling? You can't leave me like that, wondering and — feeling all of that! You get angry at me for not taking my role as Delta seriously but you don't let me!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want them to get close to you or hurt you in any way. But I failed. Whatever I do, you'll always be in danger — whether that's with the Omegas or — with me. Fuck," he whispers.

I give up. I don't have the strength to fight tonight. He looks so weak, so defeated by this ordeal. I curl up against him, my head on his chest, one arm across his hips. He wraps his arms around me and holds me closer.

"You told me you would die if something happened to me. Did you ever think about what I would do if something happened to you?"

"No."

"I would die too, Chris."

He doesn't answer, only holds me closer. The lump in my throat doesn't go away. It hurts, but I don't say anything else. I listen to the sound of him breathing. I know he's not sleeping but I don't want to break the silence. It wouldn't help. Talking about it wouldn't do any good.

I don't sleep for fear that he'd disappear again. I go over all the thoughts filling my brain. We won't make it together. We're both in too much pain. When I see the first light of day through the window, I get up, get dressed and pack a bag. He gets up and wraps his arms around me. I feel my back against his chest, my head in his neck. I bite my lips in an effort not to collapse right away.

"I can't, Chris. I can't take any of this anymore. I —"

I stop for a second and turn to face him. I finally realize something. Something so obvious that love prevented me from seeing.

"You're not gonna change. Even if you wanted with all that you had. You won't change. And I'm not gonna change either. I — I am destroying you and I can't bear it."

"Y/N... Don't say that. Please."

He kneels in front of me, head low, slouching. His eyes are looking away. He's showing me his weakness. My Alpha.

"Chris..."

He grabs my hands and looks finally up at me. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces when I realize that he's crying.

"It was a mistake. I never should have asked you to make me your soulmate," I whisper, my voice hoarse, trying not to sob. I take his face in my hands and brush away his tears with my thumbs. "Christopher, we need to stop."

I finally said it out loud. I didn't think I'd ever be able to. This is the point of no return. He's sobbing harder while I try to contain my sadness. I can't let it overwhelm me, or else I won't be able to leave.

One last time, I stroke his beautiful face, covered in tears and wounds. I grab my bag and leave the room. I cross the living room as fast as I can without looking back. I want to scream that I love him. That I'm sorry. That this just seems like the best decision for us both and for the pack. But I can't. I leave the house in a rush. The scent of the pack is too strong. I have to get far away from this haven I shared with them. I need to forget them as quickly as possible. For them. For me. For him.

I hear a slight noise on the side of the path. A pair of eyes - golden with green specks - appear before me. The outline of a light-furred wolf takes shape. My tears prevent me from seeing properly. My heart beats so fast it hurts. The wolf blocks my way.

"Felix... Let me through..."

He growls as he stares at me. I'm not afraid. Despite my tears, my voice becomes harder.

"Lix... Let me through..."

I don't look away.

"Felix..."

He doesn't have a choice... I am wearing the smell of his alpha on me. It is imprinted into me. He cannot go against my will. The young wolf steps back. As I walk past him, I can feel his wet nose touch my hand.

I look down towards him. "I'm sorry..."

I keep walking. Suddenly, I hear a howl. A howl that tears my heart in pieces... I know he's hurting, so much he could die... I start running, tears running down my face, my broken heart beating faster and faster.

That's how I got there. How we got there.

We won't be able to get over this ordeal. The Omegas got what they came for: a broken Alpha. It didn't matter which one as long as he got destroyed.