Pages of You

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I heard my diary close with a snap, and I jolted awake. I hadn't realized that I had fallen asleep the whole time while Chiron read my diary. I was confused and panicked for a second, but then I quickly remembered that I let him read it. I told myself he couldn't accept me now if he didn't accept how I was back then.

Chiron gently placed the diary between us. He released a deep breath that came out shakily and turned away from me.

Dread quickly reached me as I sat up and saw his hands balled into a fist and his jaw clenched tight. "Hey, Chiron?"

He didn't say anything for a long time, and every minute felt like I was losing what I thought was the most incredible fantasy I've ever had. Because that's what he would have been to me if he didn't accept me. He would have been just a guy I thought loved me. He loved one version of me when I needed him to love all of me.

After a few seconds more, he finally turned to me. My eyes widened at his look of pure anguish and remorse. I quickly sat up and climbed over to him on the blankets. I placed my hands on either side of his face and quietly rejoiced when he didn't pull away from me.

"What's wrong, Chiron?" I asked, looking into his teary eyes as he stared at me.

"I forgot I hurt you that much," He brokenly whispered, closing his eyes.

Confusion swept through me as I willed him to keep looking at me, "What are you talking about, Chiron? Hurt me when?"

He pulled away from my hands just to turn to the side and grab my diary. He flipped through the pages he read and showed them to me.

"I remember this day vividly. After we fought, I wanted to come over, and you ran away from me. I –" He paused, swallowing hard. "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way, Rose. That I made you think of your dad."

I felt my shoulders droop as I skimmed through the pages. I looked at him again and lifted his chin with my index finger. "If you kept reading, Chiron, you would have read how we've already had this conversation. In fact," I flipped through the pages again and pushed it against his chest, "Keep reading." I leaned down to kiss his forehead.

He let out another shaky breath, "I remember."

But he kept reading.

Dear Atlas,

Chiron left a letter on my bedside table. I asked my mom where the letter came from, and she said Chiron had come by earlier today while I was biking. Apparently, he was not looking good. I felt a sharp pain in my chest, my thoughts immediately going to his dad. But my mom just said he looked drained and worried. He said that he hadn't heard from me in weeks and that he was afraid I was sick.

I closed my bedroom door and looked at the letter he had written to me. It wasn't long. Only that he wanted to make sure I was okay. He said he wanted to meet me at our park tomorrow at noon and that if I didn't show up, he'd know what it meant and that he would back off.

My chest hurts, Atlas. It's one thing to break up with a boyfriend, but with your best friend? It feels like it hurts worse.

Rosie (June 20th, 2013)

Dear Atlas,

How is it possible that someone can feel like a depressed piece of shit to feeling like they're back on cloud 9?

I went to see Chiron. I debated going to see him. I wanted to keep my distance because I don't know what I would have done if he wanted to end our friendship officially. But I just had to know and... I missed him.