Seth
I storm away from the room I share with Cal. I sit by the springs where Cal and I first kissed. I pull my knees to my chest. Someone lands next to me. I look over.
"Darcy?"
"I saw you here. Figured I'd check in," she says.
"What were you doing?" I ask.
"Checking the boundary. It helps me sleep," she says.
She sits down next to me.
"What's going on?" she asks.
"Cal and I had a fight. It was bad. Everything just sucks right now," I say.
My Atlas chimes. I sigh and pull it out.
Caleb: Seth, please come back and let's talk.
"I'm sorry," she says.
"Thanks," I say.
Caleb: I want to talk this out
I sigh, tears falling again.
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"He wants to talk," I say. "And I can't do this. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost and hurt."
"What was the fight about?" she asks.
"I-um- wanted to have sex, to feel something else and he said no. It led to a fight and he said- he implied that all he's good for is sex and distraction," I say.
"Oh Seth."
"I know. I went back to my old self. You should've seen his face, he was crushed. And he wants to talk and I know he's going to end things. and I can't lose him too," I say.
"Seth, you don't know that."
"But I do. I just want to be his for one more night," I say.
Caleb: where are you? I've searched almost everywhere
Seth: I can't say
Caleb: Seth, please tell me. We need to talk
I sob.
"What is it?" she asks.
"He said 'we need to talk' and I know what that means," I say.
"Maybe it doesn't mean what you think," she says.
Caleb: please baby. please tell me.
Seth: so you can break up with me?
Caleb: what? Why the fuck would you think that?
Someone comes running up behind us. Fuck.
"Finally," he says.
I whimper. He sits on my other side. I can't meet his eyes.
"Why would you think I'd break up with you?" he asks.
"Aren't you?"
"No, of course not," he says.
I look at him in shock.
"You're not?" I ask.
"Of course not baby," he says.
"I'll leave you two to talk," Darcy says.
I lean into his side. He wraps his arm around me.
"You mean it?"
"Of course. I made a promise to you, I'm not breaking that," he says.
"Even though we fought? Even though I made you feel like you're only good for sex or distraction? I swear I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I screwed up, my head is a mess and I'm sorry," I say, a sob breaking free.
He holds me tighter.
"We had a fight, it happens. I don't blame you at all, you're struggling. I would never break up with you over this, over anything. We can always work things out," he says.
"I'm so sorry Cal. I wasn't thinking. You were right. I would've regretted it if we had sex. It was stupid," I say.
"You're grieving, you're hurting. The loss you're feeling is extreme and messy. You have me to lean on. Your feelings are completely valid. Just lean on me and I'll help you through this. We'll get through it together," he says.
I lightly kiss him.
"I love you. I really don't deserve you," I say.
"I love you too. And yes you do," he says.
"Thanks Cal."
"Of course baby."
"I have to ask, why did you think I'd break up with you?" he asks.
"I don't know. This is all new to me. I've never really dated. So I don't know what to expect. You know, the feelings part. We fought and I panicked. You know I got scared. All the feelings just rose to the surface and I went back to who I used to be. And I hate it. Being vulnerable is hard for me. And this grief, I'm not handling it well. I went back to my old self and I just wanted to not feel anything but passion. And I just- I hate it, I fucking hate it and-"
I start hyperventilating.
"Seth? Baby, breathe, take a deep breath."
"I-I can't. I-help me."
"Just try baby. In and out."
"I'm scared-d, help me please."
"It's okay. Just hang on, I've got you."
"Please-e."
