Basils diary 🧡cactiflower💛

I don't think I'm me.

I've never thought I fit in with anyone but now that Maris gone that feeling has made it very difficult for me to stop crying. I can vividly remember the scream Hero let out when he saw Mari I can remember hearing Sunnys and Aubreys sobs and Kel trying to hug everyone I could tell he was holding back tears. I had an accident yesterday I couldn't control myself it was like if someone was controlling my hands when I hurt myself with my shears, my grandma saw it she was making tea and wanted to ask if I wanted some she wasn't doing well she had to use a crutch to walk but when she saw me she smacked the object out of my hand and dragged me to the bathroom to wash my arms off and make sure they were okay and not infected because I was using my old rusty shears I went to the hospital for safe measures I was okay I said I didn't feel comfortable telling them so my grandma gave me this diary I think it's working.. - Basil

Today Kel came over after months I finally had company which I was happy about he's one of the only people who made me laugh more I can't help but notice my heart beating faster and my face feeling hot Everytime I was around him well I always get nervous around people but he was different I felt the same way with sunny when I was younger I have no chance if he finds out what I've done he'd definitely leave me just like everyone else he heard about what happened and wanted to make sure I was okay he was very kind and charming I wish I was more like him he is handsome too, so very handsome. He said he'd come over tomorrow again with Hero and maybe spend the night I don't know if I'm up for it I keep crying myself to sleep and throwing up at night from anxiety hopefully they don't notice or something comes up and they can't spend the night. -Basil

Kel fell asleep early but Hero stayed up he heard me and pat me on my back he said it was okay to cry and that he cried too if he knew what I did I'm sure he wouldn't do that I'm so sorry mari I'm so sorry hero I'm so sorry aubrey I'm so sorry kel I'm so sorry sunny and I'm so sorry grandma I want to kill myself I deserve it I knew I wanted too at least a little bit from a young age but now I can't ignore it I deserve to die. -Basil

Last night I tried to attempt but it failed I didn't hit a vital point on my wrist I was so tired I feel asleep my grandma came to wake me up I've caused her so much trouble I'm sorry grandma. - Basil

"Did you hear that flower kid tried to attempt on Saturday?" A classmate snickered "really the boy who has no friends? I don't blame him he's useless I bet everyone was disappointed when his attempt didn't work" the other classmate chuckled. That's what Basil Fey has been hearing ever since that day he attempted people weren't actually saying that or thought that but Basil thought they did from anxiety and stress it lead him to believe everyone wanted him dead "you're just a nuisance Basil! Why can't you just be helpful all you do is take pictures all day of your plants go get some friends!" That's the last thing he heard from his parents before they left.

"Hey Basil I'm so glad I could catch up to you!" Kel said hugging Basil "Kel?" Basil whispered "are you okay like since everything that's happened you can tell me or anytime when you're feeling more comfortable you know you can just talk to me!" Kel said pulling back from the hug. "Thanks..Kel..." Basil mumbled "hey after school wanna go get some ice cream?" Kel asked walking Basil to his locker "sorry my grandma needs my help around the house next time..." Basil said lying "oh that's okay, when are you free!" Kel asked "I'm busy all week sorry..." Basil replied "well can I walk you home?" Kel asked "uhm...sure..." Basil said.

Kel walked me home today after school he sat next to me on the bus and tried to read my diary I always kept it with me just in case but he thankfully didn't read it..I think everyone hates me I just feel like everyone knows what I've done that day. I'm sorry Mari I know you won't forgive me but please forgive my best friend, Sunny.. -Basil

"Hey hero I think something's wrong with Basil he doesn't want to hang out anymore and he just says he's busy and I've heard from his grandma he tried to attempt on Saturday im just really worried about him.." kel said sitting on hero's bed. "Kel I'm sure he'll be alright you know Basil's a strong kid and his grandma is even stronger so I'm sure she'll help him but maybe try to keep talking to him at school or try visiting his house I'm sure that..what happened...well Mari affected him too but you just need to be there for him Kel" hero pat Kel's back "thanks Hero... you're the best brother ever" Kel said smiling "aw but what about you you're the best little brother" hero said "hey I might as well be your older brother soon because ill be way taller than you!" Kel says "sure Kel sure" hero replied sarcastically.