Saving Grace

Chapter 5: The Mirage

I got home around 5 and braced myself before walking into our apartment.

I was shocked when I walked in. The place was spotless and Nate was in the kitchen, cooking. He was a good cook but he only did it every once in a blue moon.

"Hey" I said, a little hesitant as I walked in and put my stuff down.

"Hey" he replied in a neutral tone.

"Whatcha cookin'?" I asked as I walked up behind him with my hands behind my back, leaning over to snoop in the pot.

"Pasta" he said in a sing-song tone. I smiled as weight lifted off of my chest. I leaned onto his back and wrapped my arms around him while I was able to.

"Go change, it'll be ready in a sec," he told me.

I went to our room and opened my drawer. I was trying to find something comfy to put on when I stumbled across some black lace lingerie that I had never worn. I held it up and figured it was my shot to show him that I did want him.

I slipped off my work clothes and slid on the sexy little black number. It was a configuration of straps with an open crotch for...easy access.

I opened the door and did a little pose in the door frame. He looked over at me. His eyes stayed glued to me as I waltzed over to the kitchen and hopped up on the counter.

He looked at me like he was ravenous. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. He quickly turned the burners off, keeping his eyes glued on me as he walked over. He rubbed his hands down my body as I gave him a cheeky smile, knowing this would make him happy, at least for a bit. 

He pulled me towards him and grabbed my ass so hard, I was pretty sure it would leave marks. I tilted my head as he suckled on my neck, breathing hard, like he wasn't able to control himself. It started to hurt a little so I carefully moved my head. Luckily he moved on without thinking twice.

I breathed heavily as he made his way down my body, touching and grabbing and suckling. I enjoyed the physical contact, but it wasn't my first preference. I tried to make it enjoyable for him and pretend I was all into it with fake moans and over the top antics. It seemed to work since he didn't question it. It was never about pleasuring me, I'm not sure he knew how, but every now and then, I felt a bit of tingly feelings by happenstance. 

He quickly moved onto unbuttoning his pants and shoving himself inside of me as I laid back on the counter. He rammed into me, hard, grasping onto my body as hard as he could. It hurt a little, but it was nothing I couldn't take. He continued to pump into me gripping whatever he could get his hands on.

Once he finished, I laid back on the counter while he went to clean himself up. I felt like a little bit of my dignity had been lost as I laid there on the cold countertop. My body felt like it had been used. It felt stupid to feel this way since I was the one who initiated it, but I did.

I finally got the energy to slide off of the counter and untangle the black lace that was mangled around my body. I peeled it off and went into our room to put on the comfy clothes that I probably should've gone with in the first place.

I tied my hair up and took my smeared makeup off of my face. I hesitantly recalled that I was just crying over him earlier that day.

When I got back to the kitchen, Nate was already half way done eating on the couch. I was a little disappointed that he had not waited for me but I let it go. I fixed my plate and joined him as we watched "The Office".

"I printed some job listings for you," Nate said, motioning to the table, with his mouth full.

"Thanks", I said with a forced smile.

"Have you done any thinking about quitting?" he questioned, looking at me.

"I did..." I hesitated. "And I really want to stay at Shelby's. I promise I'll keep looking for something else, I just don't want to be doing nothing. I'll go crazy." I tried to explain.

He didn't say anything. I tried to read his body language as he took his plate to the kitchen and rinsed it before placing it into the dishwasher.

He came back to the couch and laid back, getting on his phone.

"Hello?" I said, trying to get him to say something.

He didn't acknowledge me at all. Suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore.

I tried to take a few bites without getting nauseous so he wouldn't get mad that I wasted his food.

After I downed as much as I possibly could, I went and washed all of the dishes. I looked back as he continued to stare at his phone screen. I had whiplash.

Once I was done, I got into the bed. I decided to scroll for a while to send my mind elsewhere.

Tomorrow was my day off and I made plans with Lizzy for lunch and dinner with my mom. I hadn't seen either of them in quite a while and I really wanted to catch up.

After a bit, Nate came in and got ready for bed before crawling beside me. He still managed to avoid eye contact with me.

"I love you" I said in a baby voice as I shook him.

I had said those three little words to him on multiple occasions, but they were never returned. He was unphased. It was as if I had not done anything. The only reaction was the unavoidable shaking of his body thanks to physics.

I tried kissing his lips but it was like I was kissing a corpse. No pucker, no reaction, nothing. If you've seen one of those movies where the person is invisible and trying to get people's attention but nothing is happening, that is how it felt when he got like this. It was infuriating.

I decided to finally give up and turn over, letting out a sigh.

When I woke up the next morning, I noticed a bruise on my arm from our little adventure. I looked down and noticed a few more on my legs. I got up and went to the bathroom. I pulled up my shirt to reveal several more around my waist. It honestly looked like I had been beaten. I mean, I did bruise like a peach, but this wasn't a good look.

I tied my hair up to wash my face which revealed dark purple hickeys on my neck. How was I going to cover all of this up?

I mean he wasn't being abusive or anything...things just got kinda crazy and again, I was the one who brought it on. I made myself some coffee which I needed before coming up with any kind of solution.

I made a bagel and ate out on the balcony. Our apartment overlooked a quiet street. Birds were chirping and it was a beautiful morning. I took in the fresh air for a minute.

I finally decided to go in and start figuring out what I was going to wear for lunch. It was getting pretty warm in the afternoons but I might still be able to get away with a light sweater without getting any strange looks.

I pulled out a crochet sweater with some open holes and a tank top to go underneath that would hide everything but my neck. I was going to have to work some magic with makeup for that. I pulled out some mom jeans with a few holes in them to go with it before getting into the shower.

I felt a sense of relief and peace since Nate was at work today. I had the place to myself. I enjoyed being with him but I never knew which version I would get. It was nice not having to walk on eggshells.

I took my time as I got ready and put on a little extra makeup, but nothing too noticeable. I mean, guys say they want girls with no makeup and show a picture of a girl with a full-face. You just have to go for a no-makeup, makeup-look I guess.

I left my hair down to hopefully conceal the purple splotches on my neck that were still faintly peaking through the makeup I applied to them. Hopefully tonight it will be dark enough that my mom won't be able to see them. I mean, she usually has a hard time reading the menu anyway.

I slid my sneakers on and did a little look in the mirror before I decided to head out to meet Lizzy. I actually felt pretty cute that day.

I had texted Nate a few times but my phone was still bone dry. I decided to avoid looking at it today so I wouldn't be upset when I didn't hear from him. I was determined to be in the moment and enjoy my day.