iWill Always Find You

Chapter 5 iWill see you soon

Chapter 5

iWill see you soon

~ * Sam * ~

I'm sitting behind my computer very bored, I just finished school for today and am now just watching some videos on YouTube. I'm starting to dislike my life here more and more. I wanna go back to Seattle, but there's no reason to without Carly and with Freddie not giving a damn about me.

Besides, I can't leave Cat alone here now her grandma moved out of the house. Although I think she might be just fine without me, just like everyone else. But then again at the other side, yesterday I had to save Cat from an 8yearold who was picking on her. The girl really needs to stand up for herself more.

I guess that was harder for other people than it was for me though. I've had the need to stand up for myself my whole life already. Ugh here I go again, thinking about that horrible side of my past in Seattle. Don't think about it Sam, you live in L.A now, everything's fine.

But as much as I try to tell myself that my life is perfectly fine now, I know it isn't. Living without Freddie feels like absolute torture. There's no words to describe how much I miss him. I'm still angry at him though, for the way he treated me after the break-up. Ugh why did he act so cocky to me? We didn't even have a proper goodbye... Thinking about that really hurts me.

I've never felt this way before. My feelings for Freddie are different than feelings I've had for other guys. And it's scaring the hell out of me!

And then Carly, not having her around me is like hell. Ever since Carly and I have been best friends we hadn't been apart for one single day. Carly was the one who kept me smiling. But now I haven't seen her for 5 months, I miss her like crazy, and I feel like a part of me is missing. Eww what the fuck Sam that sounded so cheesy.

I also miss Spencer a lot. Though he is Carly's big brother, it kinda feels like he's mine. And I hate it that I haven't seen him for 5 months.

And as ridiculous as it sounds, I even miss Gibby and his weird behavior! Gibby's weird, but he's a great guy and I guess I do love him, as one of my best friends.

Ughhh. I sigh and walk to the kitchen looking in the fridge for some meat. Cat's gonna be out all day and night since she's having a sleepover at that girl Tori's house. She asked me if I wanted to come but I don't really feel like it.

So I guess it's just gonna be me, the tv, my PearPad, my meat and my ice-cream today. I grab some ribs and flop down on the couch, eating one of the ribs and switching on the tv, groaning as Girly cow is on. Great, more things that remind me of how much I miss Carly.

It doesn't matter how much distraction I have, I still keep thinking about how much I miss my friends. And especially about Freddie...ugh. Puberty has been really good to Freddie... He's actually standing up for himself more now. And he's gotten so much stronger over the years. I even caught him going to the gym THREE TIMES A WEEK! The boy's been working out like crazy! And he was making great progress! Cause gosh those muscles, those biceps, they are SO SEXY. Right now there is only one place in this world where I want to be, In Freddie's strong arms.

Oh gosh stop it with the fantasies Sam! He doesn't want you anymore! Thinking about that gives me an incredibly sad and empty feeling. Ugh, LOVE SUCKS!

I wish I had never fallen in love with Freddie, I wish I never kissed him, I wish I never dated him, I wish I never even met him! Ugh. No, now you are just being ridiculous Sam. But I do really wish that my feelings for him would've disappeared after the breakup. But they haven't. In fact, they've gotten worse. Ugh.

I try to think of different things but all my thoughts just keep swirling around in my head. And my sadness has gotten even worse since Freddie AND Carly haven't replied to my latest messages, while they usually reply to me immediately.