What's inside you is a bunch of resentment towards your own, and it's not something you should be proud about.
I understand the struggles, the pain, the bad choices, the emotions we chose to elicit, the ways we had done things wrongly. Dear, I understand the it could've beens. I understand the scenario of scrolling down your feed, seeing how happy they are with their lives and wishing you could have it too. Wishing you could show the world yourself again. Wishing you could have your confidence back.
Dear, if vilifying yourself is the only thing you could do to at least compensate with the damage you caused— I won't stop you. I won't push you right now to be brave and face them and ask forgiveness so you could be free. Trust me, I won't push you. Because little did you ever know there's someone out there experiencing the same road as you are. Experiencing the delays of journey because of a single path misalignment. Trust me, I did not push them as well.
There are these fears of losing time, losing opportunity to mend things out. If being afraid is the only choice to be comfortable at times, as toxic as it may sound, be afraid at some point of your life. It's not because you stopped believing in the Divine, it's just because you stopped having confidence to face Him now. It's sad, yes it is.
It's saddening and so degrading out here. Out in this place of pain and suffering. Everyday is a torment, everyday became a torment, because you did not fought back to gain yourself again. You're still being tormented because you're still not brave to face the truth.
I pushed myself to be brave countless of times, but I just couldn't. So I put my trust in time, in opportunity. Little did people know I was asking help to them in my mind. Little did people know I wish they could come and help me. For I know, just a little hand to hold and a little hope to see, a massive slap on the face to wake up, I could be brave enough to end it for good.
I'm not in any way putting myself to pity with the word 'vilify'. Trust me, we're not.
We just need this hold, this support, this awakening, because we feel too low and too afraid to do it on our own.
