Not everyone who feels hate wanted to feel that way. Not everyone who feels disgust wanted to feel the irritation and boiling of blood whenever someone unlikeable shows up. In this world of hate, I feel tired.
I feel tired hating.
It's this cycle of thought that will keep you running even when you yourself are tired to drive the wheel. Its just this cycle of thought—almost like a venom, slowly eating your brain up—until all you could think about is how to get back, how to be better than her, how to dig down a hole as a booty trap because she deserves it. How you want to shut his mouth because you feel as though he's bragging— all of these things, I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of seeing someone passed by the comfort room and telling myself, this girl's too sassy for her look.
I'm tired of hearing someone from my class repetitive in recits, thinking those are just basic knowledge.
I'm tired of looking at my friend and know to myself, why is she better than me in all ways? Why is she knowledgeable than me, smarter than me, prettier than me—yada.
I'm tired, you know.
I don't even know how I could possibly escape the prison system I orchestrated myself. I'm tired, you know.
This is me, right now, at this point of time. And maybe, just maybe, this is you as well, right now, at this point of time. I want to stress out the words, at this point of time because we, me and you, is never meant to stay here. We are never meant to feel tired because of negativities—we all could do more, better and more.
It's not normal to stay bitter. It's not normal to constantly feel hatred. There's something wrong.
As we are continuously blinded with the thought of dark anthem and mobilities, we may come to a point of time where we feel this is me. This is just me hating, this is just me envious, this is just me. Just me.
Darling, you don't ought to normalize something negative on yourself. There's something wrong. There are roots upon trees of great rigor, of mighty branches twisted in the chaotic burden of dislikes. You have to find that root. You have to search for that turning point—of how everything started, how everything grown, you have to reach that. You have to go back to that root again and end it for once.
End it for once. You're never meant to stay there. That's not home. That's not comfort. That's not your place.
Mend things within yourself, find closure with your demons. Never be afraid of facing them, of admitting them, because you can never address those vicious lies that clothed you for years now if you never turned back and fight.
