behind closed doors || b.e x h.w

18

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hayley watched as her girlfriend opened the coloring book she handed her. billie picked a colored pencil and softly put the point on the page, a crestfallen sigh left her lips as she colored on the page. her face was expressionless and dismal. hayley knew exactly how her lover felt—sad, numb, empty. she softly placed her hand on billie's back, rubbing it lovingly. billie put the purple pencil back before picking up a red one. she colored in the spot, careful as to not color outside the lines. she knew hayley had given her to book to distract her from her thoughts and feelings.

hayley picked up her phone and froze when she noticed the date. "i-i'll be right back..." she muttered, quickly standing up. she rushed out the room, her eyes glossing over. she sat down in a far corner of the hallway, pulling her knees up to her chest. she raked her fingers through her hair as tears poured down her face, heartbroken sobs emitting from her lips. her fingers tightening in her hair, tugging at it. her body trembled as memories of abilene filled her head. it was abilene's birthday. she would've been ten. hayley's ears rang and her vision blurred. she could barely breathe.

hayley kept her grief bottled up until specific dates, like abilene's birthday. she knew she shouldn't be doing that. she could faintly hear a voice utter something inaudible. quiet feet pattered on the floor, the same voice saying some more indistinct words. she saw a blurry figure moving in her peripherals. the figure knelt down and reached their hands over to her head. soft hands gently pulled her hands out of her hair. she felt the same hand softly rubbing her back. she blinked rapidly and made eye contact with billie, who had sat down completely. "breathe," billie murmured.

"i got you," she whispered. hayley scrambled into billie's lap, burying her face in the crook of her neck. "shh, baby, breathe," billie cooed. "copy my breathing," she purred, taking a deep breath in before letting it out. "very good, baby," she muttered, her fingers caressing hayley's back. "yeah, that's it," she hummed. "talk to me." she said softly. "it's her tenth birthday," hayley hiccuped. "i really miss my baby." she sniffled, her fingers playing with the fabric of billie's shirt. "i know you do, angel," billie mumbled, planting a soft kiss on hayley's forehead. "i know." she uttered.

hayley pulled her head out from billie's neck and wiped her tears. billie softly cupped hayley's cheek, her eyes filled with love. hayley leaned forward, her forehead against billie's. "you want me to regress?" billie inquired. "please..." hayley frowned. "switch with me," billie said. "i gotta be babied to regress." she shook her head. hayley sat down next to billie. "c'mere, sweet girl," she cooed. billie straddled hayley's lap. "hi, bugsy!" she beamed. "mmm, hi..." billie maffled, her cheeks tinting a light shade of pink. "such a shy girl, huh?" hayley cooed, tickling billie's side.

billie laid her head on hayley's shoulder. "are you my little baby?" hayley asked, earning a small nod from a very bashful billie. "so shy," she chuckled. she gently moved billie off her lap and stood up, causing billie to look at her confusedly. "stand up, baby girl," she said softly. billie stood up and quickly clung onto hayley. she let out a small giggle as hayley grabbed her hand. "is mommy's face red?" she questioned. "mmm, is, um, smaw pink..." billie mumbled. "it's a little pink?" hayley raised and eyebrow. "mhm!" billie nodded her head. "you wanna play with the dinos?" hayley inquired.

"mmm, yeah..." billie shyly smiled. "a-and blockies, p'ease..." she uttered. "yeah? we can do that, bug!" hayley smiled, taking billie back to the green room. "d-dey tan stay in dere." billie said. "okay, bug." hayley muttered, opening the door to the green room. billie quickly pulled hayley to the couch. she rushed to open hayley's bag, pulling out the two small tins of blocks and placing them on the table. she pulled out the tupperware container of dinosaurs, putting it adjacent to the blocks. "what's going on?" finneas furrowed his brows. "she most likely wants to either build tall towers and knock them down with the dinosaurs,"