My Flower (lams)

Henry.

Tw: PTSD, homophobic slurs, abuse, and people being horrible in general

Voicemail from: henry

"shit shit shit shit shit" I mutter feeling my stoumache churn at the thought of calling him back thinking of the hundreds of situations that might happen next.. what the hell is he going to say? I mean he's said he doesn't want anything to do with me so what would he want now? money? probably money.. that's what he always calls me for.

flashback

"you still one of those fags?"

"yes.. I'm gay dad."

he looks at me with pure and utter disappointment and raises his hand.. the world stops as it swings.. and I can practicaly see myself.. its like I'm in a 3rd player video game or something.. what did peggs say this was called? I don't know but I need to get out of here.. come on.. please..? why can't I just move..?! I feel his hand connect with my face with force that I thought only gods could ever have.

"I'm not your dad, and you're not my son. LEAVE!" 

he yells at me, I can feel my heart and it feels like its going to sink through the back of my chest. it hurts so much I forget what he said.

"w..what..?"

I feel more force on my face but this time its harder like a fist.. it is a fist.. my fath- I mean henry's fist.

"I said.."

his voice raises as he looks me in the eyes, all I can see is an expression of nothing but absolute anger. This is no longer the father I used to look up to and charish, this is no longer my hero. This is a monster. And nothing less.

"LEAVE!" 

he grabs me by my ear and drags me down the stairs and throws me outside in the rain, I could already feel the coldness hitting my skin, one million drops at a time, the front of my hair goes over my eyes, darker because of the water. I try to run back inside but he throws a heavy bag which I can only guess has my stuff in it, at my face knocking me backwards. Then he slams the door, forcing me to scavenge for my own. Not for the last time either.

"John you ok?" Alex snaps me out of it.

"yea.. I just need to call someone real quick.." I say and I walk into the bathroom, I open the door to the bathroom and each step I take I get more and more regretful for deciding to call him back, I can since he's not just calling me to ask for money. its something more than that.

I close the door and turn on my phone, I quickly put in my password, me and Alex put our passwords as eachother's birthdays because we saw it on Pintrest for best friends, so I have alex's birtday mimorized along with all his classes, his coffee order, dog names that he's come up with, and about a million other things. Its not creepy if we know each other.

anyway my finger hovors over the call button, not wanting to put my finger down. I sit there for a moment then when I gather up enough corrage I let my finger press on it. 

ringg

why did I do this?

ringg

oh my god is he gonna pick up??

ringg

hopefully he doesn-

"John?" he says and I jump at the sound of his voice

"yes father?" I stutter out and I can hear the smirk on his face.