STARVED

how come

Another night you spent waking up out of your sleep to a nightmare. You were in bed alone and your first thought was Eren because of the nightmare. You knew it was foolish and silly even but you got out of bed. You had to prove to your brain that it was just a nightmare and that Eren was okay and alive.

You crawled out of bed and walked across the hard cold wood floors, you left your bedroom and walked down the hall. You knew it was wrong and stupid but you did it anyway, as much as you knew that you were just with Eren a few hours ago, a part of your brain still saw him nearly dead.

You had to be quiet, it was one in the morning and he was probably asleep. You turned the doorknob carefully and quietly pushed it open, the room was dark and he was lying in bed on his side...breathing. You sighed with relief when you saw him there, as foolish as it was.

"Is something wrong?" Eren asked suddenly, he reached for the lamp on the bedside table and turned it on before sitting up.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you I just..." you trailed off, trying to figure out if you should tell him or not.

"What?" He sat up and looked over at you as he sat on the edge of the bed with you still behind the door.

"I was checking to make sure you were alive." You confessed and he looked absolutely confused, his head tilted and he motioned with his hand for you to enter so you did.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He inquired as you approached him and you felt a sharp pain in your chest just from the question.

You didn't want to answer. You didn't want to think about that day and how it still haunts you. You didn't want to tell him about nightmares after he told you about dreams that he had of you. You walked over and stood before him, he was still seated and he looked up at you in front of him.

"I still think about the day that I found you...every night. I can't sleep because I think you're dead every time I close my eyes." You confessed to him and his gaze softened and your reminding of that day cut through you like glass.

You didn't want to cry anymore, especially in front of him but you'd never experienced such pain like what that day put you through. You've never grieved for someone who was alive yet here you were.

"You could have died and I don't even know what you want...but you know what I want, the stone house that you've even made our place. But I don't know what you want, Eren." You said to him as he looked up at you.

"What do you want...Eren?" you asked him more insistently and reached your hands down to cup his face in your hands and tilt his head up as you stepped a little closer.

To your surprise, his eyes swelled with tears but he didn't say anything. You stared at each other for what felt like forever before he looked down and when he looked back up, his eyes were dry.

"I want you to be happy." He answered but you shook your head, he wasn't the truth.

You backed off him, you couldn't understand why he wouldn't answer the question, ever. You knew it would keep you up so you didn't leave and you weren't going to until you got an answer.

"And if my happiness is with you, then what?" You asked him and crossed your arms over your chest.

"It can't be." He stood up and you couldn't even believe what you were hearing.

"Eren..." you sighed loudly, you wanted to believe that your ears were playing tricks on you.

"You deserve more than me. I want you to bloom without interference but I am the interference." He steps towards you and you don't move, you shake your head at him.