Mine: Twin Omega

29. It's Alot.

-Leif-

I would be beat red if I had my face right now. Asher and Raven are...getting familiar while Blaze and I try to look at nothing including each other. Although, I feel so embarrassed right now Blaze's demeanor somehow makes it all the more awkward.

He is awkward in a way that is so hard to articulate. It's as if I not only feel my own humiliation but his as well. The worst part is I don't know who to ask about it. Is my mate normal? I mean I know why I'm shy. But why is Blaze shy?

He is 6 foot plus of werewolf god. From top to bottom this man is perfection. Starting at the top, perfectly quaffed hair. The kind that's effortlessly done, no matter how messy it looks. Then that face. Are you kidding me? Who even looks like that?...well besides also Micah. I might be biased but Blaze is more handsome than Micah. I don't know exactly how that is but Blaze is beyond beautiful. It's as if his face was sculpted. All high cheekbones, chiseled jaw, plump full lips. He's magnificent. Which makes this all the more difficult as Snow rolls around with Asher who is dressed as Blaze.

At least our wolves are staying inside the boundaries we set. Lots of tonguing and hand stuff. Hot, heavy, and moany. What I would do to be able to excuse myself out side of my body and out of this room. I could've hid out in Blaze but he beat me here and now I feel too awkward. It's not fair cause I'm more aware of what they're doing.

My mind starts to drift after that last thought. I find myself contemplating the things I'm actively trying not to think about. It's the first time all day that I actually get the chance to.

A few weeks ago I was worried about how I would balance my shitty job while going to school full time. Also, disappointed that Luca and I would have to take the bus indefinitely.

A lot has changed but I'm also unsure if anything has. I don't foresee Luca and I giving up our scholarships. There is no doubt in my mind that we will be starting school come fall. It might sound crazy but I'm not even ready to give up our shitty walk up. Everything is suddenly new and that in itself is frightening. Not to mention the big ass elephant in the room that has me reaching for my twin. He's sleeping, peacefully.

Which is nice but as the Lily faced elephant gets bigger and bigger my anxiety grows.

B: 🧠 Are you ok?
Blaze asks.

I turn my face to meet his gaze full on.

Lf: 🧠 You're looking at me?

I can see confusion in his caramel brown eyes.

Lf: 🧠 You've been avoiding my gaze. I hate it.

He reaches over to gently stroke my cheek.

B: 🧠 I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing.

Lf: 🧠 Why are you shy? You look like...you know, how you look.

B: 🧠 What does that mean?

Lf: 🧠 Have you never looked in the mirror? What do you have to be insecure about?

His expression is first confusion then skepticism.

B: 🧠 What do you have to be insecure about?

I don't even have a face and I feel hot. I lower my gaze feeling as if he's burned me with his question.

Lf: 🧠 I'm short.

B: 🧠 You're perfect.

Lf: 🧠 My body is weird.

B: 🧠 Your body is perfect. You shouldn't compare your self to humans.