ALEA IACTA EST ; GRACE

019.

PHILOMENA WAS NEVER    one to grieve loudly.

Her tears didn't flow easily, not even when her mother died, she couldn't let out the sobs she so desperately wanted to wreck her body. She couldn't scream, couldn't even talk about it. So she stayed quiet.

She kept her head down, didn't say a word and the only thing she really wanted to do besides cry was to run. Get away from the place that reminded her of all the memories she shared with Alex, even if they hadn't been that close.

Once she was finally released from the infirmary she did just that. She ran, but had no place to run to. Thinking of anything, something, to do to distract herself; Philomena went to the unicorn stables.

Her mind was clouded, too many thoughts running through it.

There were thoughts of her dreams. The run-down ship and the people she didn't know. Then there was also the mud-woman, who told her about undiscovered abilities.

Then there were of course thoughts of Alex. Alex, her friend who had died in a battle she shouldn't even have taken part in.

Wasn't this all the gods' fault? They sent their children and legacies to battles they could easily fight in themselves, right? They died there, ruined their lives there and if they were lucky enough to return they just had to go back to their usual routines. No thanks, no rewards, nothing.

And well, there was another thought running through her mind, or rather another person occupied her thoughts, but she wasn't complaining.

Jason Grace, whom she had been thinking about more often than not, calmed her mind. He made the other thoughts, be it the sad ones or the angry ones, dissipate.

Even if these thoughts of Jason were a pleasant distraction they brought up even more worries. Why was she thinking of him in that way? Why did she want to be close to him? Why?

Philomena just wanted all of these thoughts to stop.

She moved the unicorns outside, picked up a shovel and began cleaning, removing the shit, old hay and straw and wiped down the wood and polished the metal.

All of this happened in a hurry. She moved from one compartment to the other, not once taking a minute to wipe down the dirt on her hands or the sweat on her forehead.

Soon everything was clean and Philomena went on and cleaned the windows, sorted the food and did whatever she could think of doing.

Until she was interrupted by the door opening.

Jason walked in, this time his clothes were ironed, his eye bags were however still as deep as they had been during his visit in the infirmary and his hair, while still too long, was styled in some way.

Philomena looked up from where she was scrubbing the floor, but quickly looked back down at the dirty floor when Jason came closer.

They were silent as they stood opposite from one another, the only thing they could hear were the sounds of the unicorns romping around outside.

Then Jason moved closer and wrapped his arms around Philomena, tightly holding onto her body; his face hiding in her hair.

For a second she stood still, unmoving, clutching onto the broomstick. She let it fall down and wrapped her hands around him and held him just as tightly, her head hiding in the crook of his neck as she finally let the tears flow and judging by the movements of Jason's shoulders, he too, was finally expressing his grief.

It was just them here in the stinky stable; no one else who could see them and judge them for showing weakness, so they finally let it all out, knowing that the other would never hold it against them for showing this side of themselves.

"I-" Jason began to speak, his voice croaky as they finally parted. "Uh, thank you."

Wiping away the tear stains on her face, Philomena smiled, "No worries."

Another silence laid itself over them, like a warm blanket on a cold winter night.

"Well, I'll get going then," Jason said and stiffly turned around in the direction of the door. He didn't want to go. He wanted to stay there with her.

"Wait," Philomena shouted, a bit too loud for the calmness that had encapsulated them. "Do you want to stay here with me?"

Jason nodded slowly, his hair falling into his eyes so that he had to brush it out of his face. "Only if you promise to cut my hair later," he responded, a light smile on his face as he came closer once again.

Holding out her pinky, Philomena spoke, "It's a promise, but only if you buy me a hot chocolate later."

Interlocking his pinky with hers, Jason smiled down at their hands, "Deal."

"Okay, wait. You're telling me right now that you have never had a birthday party?" Philomena asked in disbelief as she walked alongside Jason, both of them a hot chocolate in hand and on their way to the lake.

Jason shrugged, "I don't know when my birthday is, so I never really had a reason to celebrate it."

Philomena looked at him in shock.

She loved birthdays and even if she had no friends to celebrate hers with, she always made sure to treat herself to something good on hers. It was something minor and silly like swimming in the lake, eating ice cream later and then watching 'Barbie in the twelve dancing princesses', but it was a celebration nonetheless.

"Okay, no we can't have that. As your friend I won't allow that," she stated seriously, looking at her chocolate and then back to Jason who looked at her in confusion. "I'll organize a birthday party for you."

"And when? I have no idea when I was born, not even the season."

"So what? We'll just set a date," Philomena responded, nonchalantly. "When would you want to celebrate your birthday?"

Jason looked down at his hands, he wasn't sure. Right now he didn't feel like celebrating anything. He could be honest about that to Philomena, right?

"Honestly, I don't feel like celebrating anything right now," he responded, closing his eyes so he didn't have to see her disappointed expression. Philomena was the only person he hadn't disappointed up until now and he didn't want to do that now.

She glanced over to him and his anxious expression. Maybe she had gone too far, she should tone down, Jason was a human too and Philomena could also understand him, she herself was in no mood to celebrate anything.

"You're probably right. Then we'll postpone it a bit but we'll celebrate it at the latest in December," she told him, a smile on her face as she was thinking of things they could do or gifts she could give him.

"Sounds good." 

HOPE speaks ! 

ughh I love them 

anyways, I have already pre-written like three chapters (I'm in a flow right now and don't want to interrupt it) and honestly, I just want to publish them all but I know that I won't be able to write as much when school starts in two weeks so I'm reaally conflicted :((

okay, please tell me your thoughts on this chapter 

love you lots <3