Destiny of hopes

chapter 7...

I was too shocked by everything that's happening. I wanted to play my cards but my conscience just didn't let me.

I have already ruined so many life in which I'm at the top of the list. I can't add another to it.

I told him the best excuse I could ever think of that I'm in love with my ex when I'm totally not.

I never feel bad keeping people in delusion but this someone felt wrong and that's why I hated it all.

I'm going back in two days. I don't know if he is gonna try again or what but somewhere deep down I want him to try again.

I don't love him but I hate the way he gave up so easily. I like it when people do what they say but for him I also wanted that he shouldn't just because he was okay with my Denial as he said and try again. I won't go behind him ever and say that I want him to try again but definitely I will want it. If you want something you gotta work, giving up isn't it.

I brushed off the thoughts off my head and started putting my projects togethers. It lifted my new wrist watch up to look at the time. It was almost midnight

I like my new wrist watch that I bought this dussehra. It is an analog watch that has a black dial with brown leather straps.

I took my dairy and wrote everything down again because I don't feel like the thoughts could be justified.

We took leave from our house to go to the hostel. My dad came to drop me as usual. We took a train this time.

We got inside the train and sat on our booked seat. I pulled my phone out and put my earplugs on to listen to music.

I took my book out and started reading. As much as I hate to say this my mind was curupted by his thoughts.

I don't know why I'm thinking about him when it's barely my thing. I never get attached to people.

When I was in kindergarten I had a doll that was basically my size. I used to love it. It was my favourite. His name was jack because at that time I used to love jack and the Netherlands pirates from Disney like crazy.

Basically I was a quite child after my change in school in my first grade. I never liked anyone there so I never made friends. I was kind of a loner kid. I used to just talk to jack. He was the only friend at the time.

When I moved to grade one the doll was quite torn out and was full of patches. Even though I had plenty of other dolls I never loved them like I loved it.

I used to share everything with full honesty with it. Even though my Grandma tried to convience me to get rid of it because it was old and torn I never did. I don't why and how I got attached to it and never with any other doll of mine. I slept with it, played with it, ate with it and the list goes on.

One day when I was in school my grandma got rid of the doll. When I came back I searched our whole house upside down for the jack.

I cried for months and even refused to eat for days. I was so much into finding him that I used to go and check the dumpster daily to find him like a crack head.

After we shifted to a new house I tried looking for a doll like jack in every toy shop I ever go to. It's quite weird but I do it till date.

I never got attached to anyone and never do I ever feel the loss of someone but once I do, every cell of my body forgets to live without them. To be honest I'm not even that attached to my family. I mean they have power to hurt me but it's that they don't have the power to rule my emotions.

Till date I'm just attached like that with my younger brother.

The first time I held him in my lap he was born, I knew I'll love him forever. He was so small and so tiny and so adorable at that time. I miss it so much.

I got into my songs as we took off from our station. We had lunch and then we headed towards our school.

I opened the door of the public bus we were travelling in and the cold Breeze hit me. I think it rained yesterday.

We reached our school. I kept my luggage and did all the formalities. I came back to bid my dad farewell.

I was going back when I saw him. He wasn't facing me. He was talking with someone. And there ' subhanallah ' started playing.

'' Ek Din Kabhi Jo Khud Ko Pukaare
Meri Zubaan Se Tu Zara, Haaye Re
Tujh Mein Chhupi Si Jo Shayari Hai
Tujhko Sunaaun Main Zara, Haay Re

Ye Do Dilon Ka Waasta Waasta
Khul Ke Bataaya Jaaye Naa

Subhanallah...

Jo Ho Raha Hai, Pehli Dafaa Hai Wallah
Aisa Hua.. Subhanallah (X3)
Jo Ho Raha Hai, Pehli Dafaa Hai Wallah
Aisa Hua. ' '

It was after some days I got down the stairs in the middle of our evening class to refill my water bottle.

The water coller was on the ground floor which used to be totally empty during the evening as all the classes were held on the first, second and third floor.

When I got there as usual it was empty. So, I started dancing and singing out because I love dancing and singing alone.

Little did I knew that someone was observing me. I was spinning and dancing in with my non existing fictional man when he came from descending down the stairs. My heart littrally jumped out from my chest as I saw him coming.

My steps came to a halt as I moved towards the water coller to take my filled bottle he was there filling his own water bottle. Shit man

I walked so fast that it was nearly running. He came behind me just like last time but I rushed and entered the girls washroom. Stupid bitch

I entered the class room after a total 16mins after going. Comeo'n I can't let them, specifically him to see my blush.

As I entered the class everyone started doing that 'aww' thing and my face turned a shade of crimson again. Nooooo

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I hope you guys enjoyed it.

"Wtf, I'm giggling and blushing now. Omg this silly little things just gives me butterflies.😭🦋"

please do follow me on insta @Aanshee30 for more updates.

I'm kind of a lazy person. F**k I'm actually a lazy person and also I'm bad with technology stuff but I'll try my best to make edits for you all.

I'll post a chapter per week on Tuesdays and before the chapter I'll be posting the edits so that you would be able to get a preview of what the chapter looks like.

Okk, till then take care of yourself. see you soon my fluff balls.
Xoxo🩷✨🎀