A Neat Mess

19.Cracks from the Beginning

"So, you had to cut the trip short and come back?" Blake asked.

Sam nodded, sitting on the edge of the chair with her legs crossed. Her posture was tense and unwelcoming, making it clear she didn't want to be there. Jenna was in the other room, being observed.

"Because Jenna was experimenting with bluebottle poison on the cat, knowing it would harm her?"

Sam kept nodding. "Her grandfather showed her which part was poisonous and how to lift them without hurting herself. So, she did it. Apparently, the first attempt was harder because the cat could still move. But after the cat was weakened, it became easy to add more and more poison. Poor thing nearly died."

Sam drew her legs under the chair and interlaced her fingers. "What is happening with my daughter? She was as excited as if she'd spent the entire day at an amusement park."

"Have you heard of Ekman 60 Faces test?"Blake said, picking up the iPad on his desk and showing it to Sam. "There are 60 pictures of different people with six emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise. This test assesses a child's ability to recognise basic emotions from facial expressions. Jenna is good at identifying most emotions, but look at these two lagging lines."

Sam noticed two lines on the bar chart were significantly shorter than the others.

Blake pointed to each line. "This one is fear, and this one is sadness."

"Interesting," Sam remarked. "Those are the feelings I always say Jenna lacks."

"That is very interesting," Blake agreed. "But based on recent events that led you to visit us, she also lacks what's crucial to stop knowingly hurting others for her amusement. Empathy."

Sam's heart sank as she realised what that could mean. "Are you saying Jenna is a psychopath?"

"That term is often thrown around too easily," Blake explained. "In clinical terms, a child displaying psychopathic traits is often referred to as having 'callous-unemotional (CU) traits.' However, in my opinion, this is a symptom, and we need to find the reason behind it."

He continued, "I got the impression that Jenna knows you're not her biological mother. Tell me more."

"Well, we were planning to tell her when she was old enough to understand better, but she accidentally overheard Ben saying, 'He thinks Jenna has my eyes, although I'm not related to her!' That was a disaster, but she got over it quicker than we thought."

Sam paused for a second, wondering, Was that when everything started? She couldn't recall any issues with Jenna before that. Was Jenna angry with them, specifically with her? It was very possible.

"She might not have gotten over it," Blake noted. "She brought it up in her first session with Pip. How did you explain it to her?"

"We told her that a kind lady helped us by carrying her in her tummy. We said, 'We love you so much, and we're so happy you're our child.'"

"I'm assuming you or Ben took some time off work after her birth?"

"Well, I stayed home for two weeks with the nanny we hired before she was born, but she left a few months later. After that, it was just me until we found a second nanny, who was amazing. But then he stayed for only three months before moving to Singapore for his husband's job. Then my mother-in-law stepped in to help for a while. Ben, I think, stayed home for some time as well—it was all over the place until she was two. Then Lucille descended from heaven and stayed until about three weeks ago when Jenna tried to murder her over a broken cup."

"So, by my calculations, she had around five different caregivers during that period, and you were working—part-time or full-time?" Blake asked.

"I was working full-time; it was actually a very busy period at work. Oh, and I also got sick with pneumonia, so I was away for almost two months. But this all happened when she was really young—she can't remember any of it."

"I'm afraid you're mistaken," Blake said gently. "Having an emotional rollercoaster in the early months of life can cause serious behavioural problems. It's called early attachment issues. First, she was separated from her birth mother. Then, every time she tried to cling on to someone, that person disappeared. You weren't as consistent in her life as she needed."

The truth was, Sam hadn't been sick with pneumonia for that long. Moving out and living in a hotel hadn't been necessary—she left because she couldn't be in the same house with a baby anymore. She was worried she might harm her, either with pneumonia or with her own hands. Blake didn't need to know that.

"What are children with early attachment issues like?" Sam asked, trying to steady her voice.

"These children usually try to protect themselves from further hurt and shame by pushing people close to them away," Blake explained. "They have difficulty trusting people or managing their emotions—the Lucille incident is an example. They often avoid eye contact, can be clingy, and are more affectionate with strangers than with their own parents. The list goes on. Can you see any similarities? Did you notice how upset Jenna was today for not seeing Pip long enough? She only spent an hour with her last session."

The session was coming to an end, Blake's initial impression, Sam was a very sensible and logical person. Although she had been open in her explanations, it was clear she was also quite guarded. Blake walked Sam out of the office. 

"For now, your role is to be more present in her life—not in a way that makes her feel like she's being watched, but by showing her more affection, less 24/7 wardens and more affectionate parents.  and This is a crucial part of her therapy; you'll be surprised by the results." 

He gently placed his hand on Sam's shoulder, applying just enough pressure to convey support. Sam thought to herself how such a small gesture could make a person feel safe and protected.

He was good at his job, teaching her how even the simplest actions could bring about significant changes. She wanted that arm to stay there forever, reassuring her, I have your back; everything will be fine.

"Promise, okay? It's really important. Not even for a second should she think that she's let you down or that she's a bad girl," Blake said as he let go of Sam's shoulder.