A Neat Mess

22.Illusions?

Blake asked Sam, "Apart from the grandparents' cat, has Jenna ever harmed any animals before?"

Sam nodded slowly. "Allegedly, yes. We've had some pets die accidentally, and I'm beginning to suspect Jenna might have been involved. Also, there was the day she was found covered in blood that wasn't hers. I'm sure you've heard about that."

Blake seemed ready for this topic. "She confessed to Pip today. She climbed a tree to a bird's nest, dropped it, and then pulled the chicks' heads off one by one, spilling their blood on herself."

Sam sat there, stunned, her eyes locked on Blake.

"Do you mind if I ask whether you believe in the supernatural, Sam?" Blake inquired.

"I'm not sure what you mean by supernatural," Sam replied. "For me, anything not backed by science—angels, gods, karma, divine energies, souls, evil forces, detox juices, crystals, astrology, yoga, and so on—isn't something I believe in. Why do you ask?"

Blake continued, "Jenna mentioned a collection you have in the corner of your bedroom that's so precious to you that no one is allowed to touch it. Jenna said, and I quote, that you've trapped a god in it."

They both laughed. "That would explain why Jenna, who's managed to break and mess up almost everything else in our house, hasn't touched that corner," Sam said.

"So, what's this corner about?" Blake asked.

"My family were Catholics," Sam explained. "My mother gave me a golden cross when I was young, telling me it would protect me. When it didn't, I thought maybe it was incompatible with my sins, so I explored other religions. It's just a collection now. I think it's unique."

Blake pressed on, "What's the purpose of it now? Why is it off-limits to everyone but you? It sounds like you're relying on it for something significant."

Sam sighed. "You already know about my complicated relationship with my mother. After my first serious relationship fell apart, I was heartbroken and struggled with severe sleeping problems. I was also adamant about not taking medication."

"What kind of sleep disorders were you experiencing?" Blake asked.

"A mix of things," Sam said. "The worst part was seeing things—like my bed suddenly covered in spiderwebs or strange blobs just floating around the room. It felt like I was stuck in some kind of waking nightmare. I also had lockjaw, which was pure agony, and sleep paralysis that tormented me, trapping my mind in a helpless state while my body lay trapped."

Blake nodded thoughtfully. "Pareidolia or hypnagogic hallucinations. That's what make people believe in ghosts."

Sam continued, "Then something changed. I learned when I'd open my eyes and see things floating around, I'd focus on the shrine. Knowing what was real helped me distinguish it from my imagination, making the shadows disappear. That's a secret even my own family doesn't know."

Blake asked, "Do you think Ben would understand?"

"When we met, I was a mess," Sam admitted. "I didn't want to scare him off with all my issues. I knew I was ill and needed time to heal. I didn't want someone new in my life to suffer because of it."

"Do you still experience any of those illusions?" Blake asked.

"Not really, no." Sam tried to sound confident, but there was a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

Blake suggested, "Maybe you should consider relocating the shrine to another room and redecorating your bedroom."

Sam acknowledged the point. "Maybe. I just haven't given it much thought."

"Fair enough," Blake said. "But I need to know if it's a superstitious thing. You'd be surprised how many people abandon our treatments and seek help in places that only make things worse."

Driving home, Sam felt increasingly uneasy. Her clothes seemed to have shrunk, tightening around her, almost suffocating her. A sick feeling churned in her stomach. Talking to a therapist was supposed to make you feel better, but all she felt was guilt.

And what was going on with Jenna and Pip? They'd only had a few sessions together, yet Jenna already seemed to consider her a best friend.

"How was your day, sweetie?" Ben asked, glancing at Jenna in the rearview mirror. "Did you enjoy it?"

"It was okay, I guess," she grunted.

"You seem to have made a new friend, right? Do you like Pip?"

Pip? What kind of name was that? Sam wondered. Jenna didn't respond; she just sat quietly, looking exhausted.

"She's falling asleep," Sam whispered.

Ben whispered back, "I know, but it's too early. I don't want her waking up in two hours and staying up all night."

He repeated his question, louder this time, "Do you like Pip?"

"No!" Jenna snapped, shifting in her seat and kicking the back of Ben's seat. Then she rested her head against the side and stared out the window.

Sam, testing the waters, asked sarcastically, "Do you like Pip?"

Ben either didn't catch her tone or ignored it. "She seems to know her job well, and the way she handles Jenna is impressive. She genuinely cares about her patients, and she's also so friendly and hilarious."

"What were you talking about while you waited outside?" Sam asked, trying to sound casual.

"Not much, mostly about Jenna. She also asked how you and I met, so I told her."

Sam's eyes widened as she turned to Ben. "Which version?"

"Which version should there be? She's our therapist; we need to tell the truth."

"What does our stupid real story have to do with what's happening here?" Sam was furious.

"Calm down," Ben said. "I just told her we went to the same university and met at a party. It's not exactly a lie. Trust me, it's as awkward for me as it is for you."

Sam was worried about how layers of lies could cause their story to crumble, especially when everything was recorded.

"Sam, do you think you need a break?" Ben asked.

"We just came back from a break, and it only complicated things." She knew she needed a do-over, but another break wouldn't help.

"I meant you. Just you, away from everything."

"Who's going to take care of Jenna? We don't have a babysitter anymore."

"I can look after her. I can come home earlier and bring work home. Why don't you go on one of those retreats?"

"A retreat? Like yoga and meditation? Since when have I ever shown any interest in that?" Was Ben trying to get her out of the house?

"The doctor says Jenna has attachment issues because we've been absentee parents, which is causing her aggression. We need to fix this now before it ruins her life. I'm not just worried about her confidence—I'm afraid she could end up in prison. So no, I'm not abandoning her again because I'm stressed. Period."

The truth was, Ben needed a break, but instead of asking for one, he offered it. Getting away from a controlling wife who criticised anything done differently was a holiday for Ben, even if it meant taking care of Jenna. Without Sam, he'd call it a vacation.