Adore~ an Alias Grace fanfic~

Part 6

And I stood above her with a fistful of hair, Mary's dark curls. Not hers. Not herself.
Mary you would have loved what I have become. Or perhaps you would not. But I do. You don't.

"Grace," she doesn't look up at first.
"Tell me more about Mary."

Weeks went on and nothing let up. You claimed nothing to do with the crime at one time and then a moment later you would tell me a detail only someone present at the scene could have known. Of course it could have been because of the incessant words of your lawyer or because of the snippets you heard from each testimony, but that did not account for everything.
You would sit across from me, your hands folded delicately infront of you, or working about on your current project. You would tell me your stories, look at my reaction, stealing glances at whatever I chose to write down. I did not like to call attention to that, it made reaching you even more difficult.
But while I lay down in my restless sleep, you were all that was on my mind. I didn't know if it was the impossible case you presented, or if I had some strange affection for you— or if I did carry such feelings was it only fascination?
I see flashes of your face when my mind goes blank. I swear I saw you yesterday evening in town, two times. First it was a little girl in front of me who somehow had your face plastered on top of her own, and second was on a boy slightly older who was standing behind me. I never know what will trigger that vision of you.
I can let you in and I can take care of you and be at your beck and call. Ill be whatever you need whenever you ask. Its so simple and I wish you could see it the way I do. Would you be happy if I bent every part of me to fit your idea?
I hold my hands together, squeezing tightly, maybe I could make it go numb. Maybe everything could eventually do the same. But I've never been that lucky.

Grace

My visits with you had done nothing for my case. My life sentence remained as is. I was to serve twenty years as planned initially. The ache in my chest had shrunk from what it had been when I first learned my fate. But a new gape had grown so strong and deep inside of me that it was painful. Hope. I had allowed myself to hope for my freedom because of you. For what reason I am not sure. It wasn't as if I hadn't tried before but this time it was you who told me it was possible. Was it the possibility or was it you?
You dug into my chest with your hope, you had chiseled it hallow but nothing ever came to take the place of everything you took.