What Dreams Are Made Of

13.

*Calvin's POV*

Turns out, I needed to see Hannah and Haven more than I thought I did.

I needed to spend a whole night with Haven, because even though I've only known her for a few months, she's become the one person aside from Shay that I know won't lie to me or sugar coat anything to make me feel comfortable.

She's my Shay away from Shay and I love her for that. Because we've already established that Shay is amazing.

But Hannah, her talking to me yesterday about my dad, even Delilah, seeing how she interacts with my dad and Brayden, that was all I needed to know my mother would love her, and she would.

Which is why when we woke up this morning and we saw them off to the airport, I decided that Hannah said exactly what my mother would have, and that I was going to go to Delilahs and tell her everything.

Yesterday she said we could talk today, so that is exactly what I'm doing.

I went home, had lunch with my dad and Brayden, and walked right down the beach to her back door steps.

When I knocked and she answered the door though, her face changed drastically from the smile she had to worried.

"Hey." She raised her eyebrows. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah." I nodded and put my hands in my shorts pockets. "Yesterday at the market you said we could talk about everything today. Do you have a minute?"

"Uh. Yeah." She nodded and closed the door behind her. She crossed her arms and looked up at me. "What's up?"

"I just, I want to apologize for how I've been acting lately." I nodded. "It's not right, and I feel like you feel neglected and that's not ok. Especially since we've been friends since we were born. Just, since my mom died everything's been changing. And I feel like I've been taking those changes out on you instead of embracing them. But, with everything Haven and Hannah have been saying this weekend, I think I know why." I nodded.

"Calvin, it's ok." She nodded. "I still have so much love for you, I just-"

"Hey who's at the door?" Her door opened, and Kaden Walsh stepped out and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "Everything ok babe?"

And in that moment, everything I wanted to say to her vanished from my mind, and my chest was in shambles.

I took a deep breath, pursed my lips, and nodded. "Everything is fine. Just reminding her about family dinner next weekend. Hi Kaden."

"Calvin." He smiled and held his hand out to shake it.

I shook his hand and looked at Delilah. "If you need any details, just message my dad."

"You guys are family?" He scrunched his face.

"Pretty much." I nodded. "And, that's all we ever have been. I'll see you guys in school tomorrow."

And at that point, I pretty much sprinted off their back porch and headed back down the beach.

She got so damn mad when she thought I had a new girl in my life.

But she's got a whole dude in her house right now?

Is it a double standard? Am I reading things wrong? Yesterday she looked relieved when I introduced her to Hannah, but now? What the fuck was that.

I'm not going to lie, as soon as I got to the beach behind my house, I just sat in the sand.

What the hell is going on with my life.

My dad can get a girlfriend, but I can't?

My little brother has girls flocking, but I can't get the time of day from the one girl I want it from?

Ricky's got Shay.

Colt and Lane are just, Colt and Lane.

Even Tucker has a fucking girlfriend.

Why is it so damn hard for me!

I don't know how long I sat.

All I know is that I watched the sunset.

It was a beautiful sunset, but I watched it alone.

I'm tired of watching sunsets alone.

The next thing I know, someone is sitting down in the sand next to me.

Tucker nudged me. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"How'd you know I was out here?" I shook my head.

"Your dad called me." He nodded. "He said you went to Delilah's earlier, never came home and when he walked out to come find you he saw you sitting out here. He asked if I knew what was wrong because he wanted to give you time and not bother you, but I'm not him, and I know you. What's up Cal?"

I sighed. "How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Find someone who actually wants you, and want them too?"

He sighed. "What happened?"

"Talking to Hannah and Haven this weekend, them talking about embracing all the changes happening to me, Hannah, yesterday, told me that Delilah changing was one of the changes worth embracing. So I woke up this morning, fully ready to tell her everything, and when I got there I started to, but right when I was about to tell her I'm in to her, Kaden walked out of her house, wrapped his arms around her, and called her babe. I've never felt worse."

He pursed his lips and nodded. "Well it's about time you admit it. The guys and I have known there was something before she came back from her grandparents a few summers ago, and we kind of put everything together after you shut down. But Cal, you can't really be mad at her when you've barely had 2 conversations with her in like, 2 years."

"I know, and I even apologized for that, how I've been treating her. I wanted to swing the minute he called her babe."

"Do you want the truth, no sugar?"

I nodded.

"A part of me doesn't want you to give up on the Calvin Delilah scenario, but a bigger part of me thinks it's for the best that you and Delilah just, steer clear of each other. Talk here and there obviously but seeing as you can't form a sentence with her the majority of the time, I don't see that happening. But, I'm your best friend, I've known you longer than anyone, pre-adoption, and I know you better than anyone, and you have an anger problem. Your anger scares me, and every time something doesn't go right with Delilah, whether you two get in an argument or she gets a new dude, you either shut down or scare the shit out of me because you get so mad. I love Delilah, to the death of me. Just maybe, your friendship has out grown each other, and maybe while you two are figuring out who you are away from each other, being this way isn't healthy, for either of you. And I'm only saying that because I want the best for you. This isn't it." He shook his head.

I took a deep breath and shook my head. "I know you're right, and that's the problem."

"But as far as finding a girlfriend who wants you, and you wanting them? You have had a gaggle of girls who you've been crushing on giving you attention recently, and they're all seniors. I think you're doing pretty alright." He gave me a small smile.

Then I felt my phone go off.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see a text from Delilah.

D; Sorry about earlier. I wasn't expecting you that soon. Can we talk?

"Who is it?"

"Delilah." I nodded and handed him my phone.

He sighed and shook his head. "What're you going to do?"

As much as I don't want to, I know Tucker is right.

So I went to my messages page and deleted the entire conversation with Delilah.

Fuck me.