In Lieu of Flowers

Gluttony

there were moments
many of them
when you slipped off your dress
only to feel beautiful
only to feel loved

you've bathed in silence
when their words felt like daggers
because
there used to be days
where you wanted them to like you
more than you wanted
to make the world a better place

you wanted them
to feel hypnotized under your gaze
mesmerized by your laughter
infatuated by the simple details
that make you
you
wanted their universe to feel still
while you ran your fingers through their hair
you wanted to be the reason why
they'd let themselves not fear love

but you settled for so much less
hell
you settled for the few scrapes left on their plate
a patient puppy
waiting under the table

they undressed you so many times
that it felt like your skin was ripping off
layers of yourself you've let them devour
thinking that
if they'd consume you fully
you'd become their favorite dish

you've given
and given
and given
became a word repeated so many times
it looses all meaning

you've given
and given
and giv-
for someone who feels so deeply
there were moments you wished
to be numb

and every time you picked your
shirt
socks
soul
from the floor
everytime you left their room in the mornings
or late into the nights
you felt a bit emptier
emptier
empty
emp-

putting your underwear back on
felt like trying on a new costume
the one you wore to look like yourself
even though you grew more unsure
of whoever that was

you've given
and giv-
until there was nothing left
but an empty shell
for them to use when they saw fit

pieces of you so broken
that you wondered
if they had ever been whole

you've giv-
there is nothing less for them to steal
swallow
digest

you've -
and somehow
you're the one left apologizing
for not being enough