I Am Lesbian

Chapter 33: Red Flags In Dating & Relationships (TRIGGER WARNING)

I am going to be introducing you to red flags for dating and relationships. This is for everyone and I mean it, this is for everyone whether Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, and any other sexual identities out there. If you don't catch red flags, you will be fooling yourself along the way and won't be able to make it out, let alone survive the trauma of it without therapy.

Rumors are believed that Gay's and Lesbian's don't see red flags or they are non-existent as someone who has experienced enough red flags in straight relationships. I am not blinded by the fact that it can happen with same-sex in the dating world, let alone in relationships.

Let's start this with the most obvious:

Forcing themselves on you. Yes, this happens more than most realize especially when dating. Most think that dating is fun and a good thing, but reality is because we are dating strangers that we won't see it right away until that person makes the move. Men mostly force themselves on me and it makes me uncomfortable. They will touch me in ways that make me want to run. If you aren't wanting that first kiss to happen right away their is no fault and you are allowed to say no.

Saying no to advances. Most men I have dated and in relationships with have done this. I have a history of being raped more than once because some couldn't take the word no including with older men that were way above my age. I still have visions of those that would touch me inappropriately and I didn't do anything to deserve those types of advances. You are allowed to say no to anyone who touches you in ways you aren't comfortable with.

Abuse. You won't recognize this right away for Mental or Physical because not many would. I can admit on the Mental part that I wouldn't hope to experience it with the men I dated/relationships with. Mental abuse is more recognizable than Physical in most cases.

Sex. It is a normal human reaction to have sex whether on a first date or months down the road. Their is no shame in it but it can also be a red flag especially if that person wants it daily. It ruins a relationship quickly if it is happening daily because no one in their right mind can have it constantly with kids and jobs. Their is more to life than sex. I am putting this as a red flag because it is one thing that can disturb a person who has been Raped or SA'd.

Manipulation. This happens with both men and women, so no one is left out of this. I have experienced this more times than I would like to count. Manipulation can be done in any fashion it could be by controlling your clothes, mind, and much more. It is one of the biggest red flags out there. It is a joy ride for some people.

Cheating. Not unless you are Polyamorous this is the biggest red flag. It happens so much that it gets ridiculous. I admit I have cheated a time or two in my life but I stopped when it is easier to just admit that you aren't happy in a relationship. Men are the most notorious for this when it comes to their marriage, women aren't no better at this either when their marriage falls apart.

Triggers. I have triggers when people use me and also hurt me emotionally. Melissa who is in this memoir did unfortunately left me very triggered when all she wanted was sex out of me. It felt like my body knew that I couldn't be with her due to that and I had pretty much ghosted her once I decided she wasn't worth it after two weeks. I didn't want to feel triggered each time we were around one another and I felt it wasn't right for Kami to witness either. Triggers hit people differently and depending on the history you have experienced, it will wake you up to realize that person isn't for you.

Now I will not continue with anymore because I may cause some to have reactions that don't exist even though they do. Red Flags are notable if you take them seriously. I am not saying that anyone who has dated needs this information because their is some good people out there. Just remember who you are and what you have for keeping yourself safe.