I Am Lesbian

Chapter 30: A Course Of Change

In the beginning of my memoir, I was still with Larry but we had also broken up in between this. We have recently broken up again as of February 6th, 2023. Our last break up was July of 2022, right after my niece went back to her mom. We were trying to make it last a second time for Kami's sake though that wasn't possible.

After my experience with Melissa who is in this memoir. I couldn't hide my identity anymore let alone live a straight relationship which was asked of me since I was pre-teen. What also helped me realize that I wasn't straight anymore is the fact my love for Romeo has gotten the best of me. It literally broke me into tears when I had to tell Larry the truth that my heart and soul for Romeo is too strong to hide my identity anymore. Not only did I need Romeo back in my life after our harsh fight that tore me into two that I walked away a second time, walking away from my best friend is the hardest because of the two decades of our friendship and the love we have for one another is just hard to avoid. I can't block it out or anything else.

I have pushed many people out of my lives these past few years because of what they have done to me or even to Kami. I have lost friendships that weren't worth it anymore including with those that bully me, treating me like hell and so much more. But this piece of information isn't exactly important but it does help you know who I have become these past few years.

The question I am asked most is: Would I stay bisexual or straight for so and so?

Answer is: I would have if I didn't have an addiction to being with a woman and writing stories that have brought it out of me much more. I have never hid the fact that I had threesomes after having Kami, it helped keep me satisfied for a little while but I just had to keep the straight and narrow path for my mom. So, when I was with Kami's father I wanted to settle, marry, and have kids because I already had two at the time considered as my own. Though when he left me after our 3 years of off and on relationship, I didn't have very much trust in men and technically if I am being honest I didn't with many of the past relationships before Spencer and Larry. At this time, I am writing this. I still only trust Spencer and Larry as the men in my life. The truth is in hindsight I would have stayed as bisexual or straight and forgot about who I was to begin with. The only reason it has become more apparent besides my books is because of my last experience and I couldn't deny myself anymore. Yes, I have been out and proud as Lesbian for almost five years by June. I kept myself on the straight and narrow because when I did try to come out in 2015 after being with Larry almost a year, my mom again after thousands of times called it a phase and that I am in love with Larry to give it all up. Honestly, I should have just packed myself and Kami and headed out of West Virginia to a new life because being told all my life it is a phase or whatever else my mom had in her head at the time, I would have had a better living for Kami. Instead, I stayed in a relationship I shouldn't have gotten into, and told people over and over again that I am a lesbian in a straight relationship because of my mom.

Reality is though I have no idea what is going to happen next now that I am finally free and I am meaning this from the bottom of my heart, I am free of being with a man. I am not settling with a man anymore after this, I won't even try a third time to be with Larry. It isn't worth my emotions, heartache, depression, unsettlement, and just the despair to live through for everyone else. I will never lose who I am to anyone else, I have sacrificed who I am for everyone but me including men who tried to keep me straight for their own gain because I was thin, pretty, and a sassy ass woman. All I am saying is don't let anyone trap you into relationships with anyone whether it is a man or a woman. We all deserved to be happy but you shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are to please those around you. Just keep being who you are and be proud of your partner that does stand beside you.