deadpool and wolverine x y/n

Intro.

{Deadpool hums the opening logo music.}

Logan's grave, South Dakota, 2029,

Deadpool narrating:

Oh, that logo music just gets you pumped! Right? I'm sorry, I'm just excited to be here. It's been a while. You know, for a long time, I wasn't sure l'd ever be back. Disney bought Fox, there was the whole boring rights issue, blah-bitty-blah-bitty-blah.
Deadpool and y/n appear in the snow, walking towards Logan's grave.
But then, it turned out they wanted meee! and her- but mostly me. The one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie, much less a franchise!
Deadpool laughs hoarsely
Marvel's so stupid! Look, we know the title of this thing, so I know what you're wondering:
How are we going to do this without dishonoring Logan's memory? And I'll tell you how...we're not.

Deadpool begins shoveling up Logan's corpse, whilst Y/n sits on the log beside the grave watching him uncover the remains.

D: I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Wolverine is not dead. Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story. But that's not how regenerative healing factors work. You think we want to be out here in beautiful downtown North Dakota, digging up the one and only Wolverine? No thank you. But the fate of our entire world is at stake. He may not be living his best life, but. he sure as hell. ain't. dead.

A clanging sound is heard.
Deadpool stands up in the grave fast after striking something in the ground. Y/n looks down in to the grave, her brows furrow together.

"Bingo. Yahtzee." Deadpool says, sighing he continues,

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes". He pauses for a moment and then starts banging the shovel in the hole he made.

"DAMMIT! YOU! SON OF A! BITCH!" Deadpool splits the shovel in half and throws it aside.

Y/n shields her face as the shovel makes its way past her head

"What?!" she exclaims.

She stares at Deadpool concerned but also annoyed at him for nearly taking her head off.

"MOTHERFUCKERRRR! OUR WORLD IS FUUUUCKED!". Deadpool cries out.

Y/n hops down into the grave next to him and begins helping him take Logan out from the cold, stiff, dirt.
______________________________________________

Y/n and Deadpool sit, leaning against the log, legs stuck out in front of them, chatting,

"That was weeirrd. I'm much calmer now." Deadpool laughs halfheartedly.

It's not just the two of them leaned up against the log. No, there is a third. Deadpool leans over to Logan and says,

"Look, l'm not a man of science, but..you seem incredibly passed away". He pats the femur of Logan.

Y/n pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head at what she just heard. Deadpool continues talking to Logan,

"But it's good to see you. I gotta be honest, we've always wanted to ride with you Loge. The three of us, getting into it. You, Y/n, and I just fucking shit up! Can you imagine the fun, the chaos? The residuals?"

Deadpool grabs what's left of Logan's cheek and imitating Hugh Jackman's natural Australian accent, he says,

"Good'ay mate! There's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of Marvel cash!"

Deadpool laughs to himself and looks over at Y/n, who has her head in her hands. He turns back to Logan and says,

"Me too, Hugh".

Y/n slowly picks her head up for a brief moment, slowly turning her head to look at Deadpool with the most confused look on her face. Y/n thinks to herself, who the FUCK- is Hugh? Wade has completely lost it. Deadpool continues,

"But no. No, no, no." He sighs,

"Oh, you had to get all noble and die for reeaal. GodDAMMIT!" Deadpool put his head in his hands.

The three of them sit in silence for a moment. Deadpool speaks up again,

"We could really use your help right now." He groans.

Suddenly, a sound is heard behind them as TVA agents appear from tempad portals, they draw their time sticks. Deadpool and Y/n duck down quickly behind the log they were leaning against seconds ago. Deadpool grabs on to the remains of Logan, pulling his corpse behind the log with them and raising his arm in the air.

"Wait! I'm warning you! I'm not alone!" Deadpool yells out.

One TVA agent yells, "Wade Winston Wilson! You are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority, for too many crimes to list".

Deadpool sighs and lays on the ground, yanking a piece of wood out from Logan that was lodged through his rib cage. Y/n rolls her eyes and mutters,

"Death by day player." under her breath only to sit there in utter confusion, why on earth did she just say that?

Clearly she's spent way too much time with Wade and it's rubbing off on her. I mean, they do live together but, christ.

"Last chance. Throw out your weapons and come out peacefully". The TVA agent yells out one final warning.

"I'm not gonna give you my weapons! But I promise not to use them." Deadpool yells back.

D: There are 206 bones in the human body. 207 if I'm watching Gossip Girl.

"Here we go. Maximum effort." Deadpool grunts as he gets up.

"Bye, Bye, Bye" by NSYNC starts playing

Deadpool backflips over the log, clutching Logan in his right hand, causing the TVA agents draw their weapons. Deadpool looks at Logan,

"Okay peanut, -guess we're getting that team up after all". He says.

He then grabs onto Logan's bottom rib, ripping it from the skeletal frame, and throwing it at a TVA agent. Y/n stays put behind the log more confused than ever as to why there is music playing, and why is it NSYNC.

Y: I mean really- out of every song in the entire world, this is it?

Y/n shrugs to herself and decides she should probably help out. Jumping out from behind the log, joining Deadpool and Deadlogan. The fight feels like it's never going to end, pieces of Logan flying everywhere, more and more agents coming through portals. Wait- more agents? How many are there?? All of a sudden, there are more men on her than usual.

D: We're kicking ass Y/n, not fucking it.

Y/n takes a look around to check on Deadpool. That's when she sees him......dancing? DANCING?! Not just dancing, but reciting the entire choreography from the "Bye Bye Bye"music video. You've got to be joking.

"A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE MR. TIMBERLAKE?!"
Y/n yells out to deadpool as she's fighting off a ward of armored men.

Deadpool puts Logan's arm wrists on his hands. His body jolts as he activates them. Causing Logan's adamantium claws to protrude, shocking Deadpool, who gasps exaggeratedly.

-bye bye bye fades out-

D: I am ssoaking wet right now.

Deadpool growls and extends his hands mimicking the iconic stance of Logan. Then simultaneously, time stands still.

D: To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this. The want violence, the whhhiff of necrophilia. It isn't who I am, it isn't who I wanna be. Who I wanna be? Well, to help you understand that, I gotta take you back on a little joy ride I took through space and time. To the day...that changed...everything...