The Lone Wolf

Chapter 5: Katniss

As a child, I always wondered why loved ones stayed beside their dying. How could they stay there, watching someone the love so much suffer or be cut into in an attempt to save their lives?

But I know why when I end up standing by Peeta's face and holding his hand close to me as Delly works on him. It's because you love them too much to leave them alone. You need to stay with them for as long as you can. So that's exactly what I do.

Delly couldn't save his leg. Someone had to give consent to have it removed, and as his mate, I was forced to make that decision. There was no way that I was going to risk his life with infection and pain to save the mangled thing. I don't know how he'll react when he wakes up. I only hope he can forgive me.

"Luna," Delly starts and I give her a look.

"That is not what I am yet and I bare no bite mark to say other wise," I say.

"I think he should be safe to be moved when you are ready to have him moved," she says, ignoring my slight outburst.

"Okay," I say. "I'll go get Gale."

"Let me at least look at your wounds first," she says.

"They're fine," I say.

"Katniss, who is the healer here?" she asks and I sigh and sit in the chair next to Peeta's hospital bed. She starts cleaning the scratches carefully and bandages some of the deeper ones up. "You aren't leaving now are you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say.

"I saw it in your eyes earlier," she says. "You were gonna sneak out as soon as the Alpha fell asleep."

"It would have been less painful that way," I say. "I could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve him. I have a powerful enemy, one who won't let a pack stand in his way to get to me. I'm a danger to Peeta and this whole pack if I stay." I lean over Peeta's body and touch my forehead to his. "But I can't leave him now. I already care too much about him. He just lost his leg. He doesn't need to lose me too."

"So those rouges didn't just have a grudge against you?" Delly asks and I nod.

"They answer to a higher power," I say. "An evil man who we unknowingly allow to control the packs. With all the rouges in his control, its nearly impossible for a someone to leave their territory and come back. I refused to join his ranks. I saw no point in the senseless slaughter of those who lived the lives we dreamed of. The Master saw this as rebellion. So he sent the Careers, the very wolves that killed my father and sister, to give me a message. Join or Die."

"So they chased you here?" she asks and I nod.

"And you know the rest," I say. "Boarders mean nothing to them. I only crossed because I knew my mate was here and something told me that he would protect me."

"Who is he?" she asks. "Who is the evil one who thinks he needs to keep the packs where they are?"

"His names is as cold as his dealings," I say. "Cornelius Snow."

"I need to study this," she says. "I've heard of him before. I need to look over some of the books to know where."

"Is it okay to lie with him?" I ask her as Gale comes in to take Peeta to his room.

"Just stay on his side that still has a leg," she says. "Other than that, I don't see why not. You being beside him might actually give him some comfort." I follow closely behind Gale as he carries Peeta to his room. I pull back the covers as Gale lays him down and pull the blankets up to his chest.

"Thank you, Beta," I say but he shakes his head.

"Your welcome Luna, but please call me Gale," he says.

"Then you should call me Katniss," I say.

"Okay Catnip," he says and I shake my head.

"No Kat-Niss," I say. "Not Catnip."

"Oh Sorry," he says.

"That's fine," I say.

"Do you want me to do a sweep of the territory?" he asks.

"I don't think that's really my job to say," I say.

"You're his mate," Gale reminds me. "That makes you in charge."

"Just do what you think is best," I say. "I haven't lived in a pack in seven years. I don't really remember how these things work."

"Yes Mam," he says and leaves. I sigh and look at Peeta. He's still very pale because of the amount of blood he lost. Delly has no idea when he will wake up. Could be a few hours, could be a few days. Its really in Peeta's hands when he wakes up. I lay down next to him and gently stroke his blonde curls.

"Why did I ever think it would be possible to leave you?" I ask him, knowing he won't answer and most likely can't even hear me. "I thought that tonight, after you fell asleep, I could make a run for it. But I can't. I already care about you too much to leave you. I don't know if I love you, at least not yet. But I'm never gonna put that thought in my mind ever again."

I lay my head on his chest and the strong beat of his heart reassures me he's okay, there's nothing to fear.

"This is going to be dangerous," I whisper. "I don't see this coming out anything but ugly. But I know I want to be by your side the whole time. Just please don't leave me Peeta. Please, stay with me." I just lay there, practically on top of him. I clutch his shirt tightly in my fist.

I feel myself start to cry, my tears streaming down my cheeks. I feel them start to soak his shirt but I don't care. I deserve to cry right now. Not just about Peeta but the monster I turned into out there. My first kill and it was not a merciful one. I didn't just tear his throat out and give him a quick death. Instead, I just clamped tightly on his neck until I felt the warmth leave his body and his thrashing stop. I was so consumed by rage, and it terrified me how much I liked it.

Suddenly, I feel a warm, gentle hand start to stroke my hair.

"Please stop crying," I hear my ever gentle mate say and I lift my head to see him smiling at me.

"Oh Peeta, thank the Goddess you're okay," I say.

"I'm fine Katniss," he says.

"But you were so pale and there was so much blood," I say. "I was so worried."

"Well there is nothing to worry about now," he says smiling as he wipes a stray tear from my cheek. I smile back before he gives me a weird look. "Katniss, why can't I feel my leg?"

"Delly couldn't save it Peeta," I say. "There was too much damage."

"Who gave consent?" he asks.

"They made me make the call," I say. "I couldn't risk your life if I let you keep it. I'm so sorry." I start crying again but Peeta lifts my chin so I have to look at him.

"Katniss," he says. "I can live without a leg. It'll take some getting used to, but I'd rather lose my leg than lose you."

"But Peeta," I say. "It was part of you."

"So are you," he says. "And I'd rather lose a leg than my other half." I look at him with tears in my eyes, realizing that I was truly terrified that I would lose him. He's a stranger, yet I already feel like I've known him for years. I don't understand how I can already care so much for someone I only met half a day ago, but I do.

"Can I hold you?" he asks. "While you sleep?"

"If that's what you want, it's the least I can do for you right now." I say laying my head back down on his chest. I feel his arms wrap around my skinny frame and hold me in a warm embrace. Even with Snow's treat looming over me, for the first time in my life I feel truly safe and allow Peeta's gentle heart to lull me to sleep.