𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝟖 (𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐂)

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟔 | 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞? |

MAY, 1995
JAMES GIBSON

Beth was gone.

So was da.

We were in a church, everyone was sad and crying. I wasn't crying. I didn't know why I should've been crying. I didn't understand what was happening.

Gibsie, My big brother told me that Beth and Da had died.

That they couldn't swim good and drowned. Gibsie almost drowned too, but da saved him. Gibsie was crying, really bad.

But I didn't understand. I don't understand what they mean when they tell me Bethy and da had died and left the earth. I don't believe them. Dada would never leave me.

Everyone looked at me with very sad eyes and hugged me, telling me they were sorry because Da died and left.

I didn't believe them!

Da would never leave me and Gibsie and only take Beth. That wouldn't be fair and my da is a wonderful and fair person.

But when I looked around I didn't see My da or sister. Only my Mammy and her stinky boyfriend Keith, and of course his stinkier son was perched right beside him. Mark. I hated mark. I hated the way he looked at me and the way he talked to me and my brother.

Huffing silently as I tried to look around in search for my da, I tugged on the hem of my Mammy's white cardigan. "Mammy, Where's Dada?" I asked, and then music started playing and my head perked up. "Oasis!" I grinned excitedly, It was Dadas and his bestfriends favorite song, Pete.

Pete was Clarie and hughies Da. And also my Dadas bestfriend. They were crying too..

I tugged on the hem on my Mammy's cardigan again, but she was too busy crying on her boyfriend's shoulder. I didn't know why she was crying, and when I asked she ignored me. "Mammy!"

And then a big, beefy hand clamped on my shoulder and sent my arm flying down to my sides. I yelped quietly. "Ow, that hurted.."

Stink Mark scowled at me, hissing. "Shut up you—" Before he could finish My big brother came to my rescue and pulled me tight to his side, He was crying too. "Ignore him," Gibs whispered, coddling me in his side and sniffling.

I huffed, leaning my head in his chubby sides. "He hurted me, Gibs." I mumble, reaching to rub my sore hurting shoulder. He sniffles again, wipes a tear on his cheek with a napkin.

And then, I look up at him, whisper. "Gibsie, where is Dada?"

His gray eyes looked at me, they weren't full of light today. They were sad and watery. "He's with Beth. In heaven." He choked out a sob and cried my stomach started to hurted. "When is he coming back?"

He choked out another sob. "H-he isn't coming back, James. He.. a...and her are a-angels now." He wipes his nose with his sleeve. I furrow my brows. "They are angels and aren't coming back?" I asked, confused.

He nods, tearful gray eyes locked on mine. And then, a wave of emotion hit me and My eyes started to water.

My dada wasn't coming back.

Neither was Beth.

But Beth was just a baby.

And I needed my dada..

That's when I started to cry. Just like everyone else.

________________________
SEPTEMBER 23, 2003

Oscar Darragh, My ride or die. He had my back and I had his since the day we met one day in a class I can't be bothered enough to remember. I loved this man, he was great. Charismatic, hilarious, all of the above.

He was also my weed supplier. Even better if you ask me.

Me and Oscar had immediately just clicked. Maybe it was our shared sense of humor. Or maybe it was the fact we were high out of bonkers most of the time we hanged out.

All I knew is he was great. Fabulous even.

Weed was greater. Took the edge off my brain when I needed it to. It erased the silver lining to nightmares I've been going through for the past four years, every.fucking.night.

I was exhausted, irked to the core, and needed something to give me enough spunk to get through the school days.

I could care less about the damage it was doing to my body. The only thing my brain cared about was the descriptive images of haunting memories that I shoved in a box long ago, that I've tried so desperately to forget and act as if nothing had happened.

But it was hard.

And I could be harder.

Hah.. Please laugh at my joke.

So stalking down the school hall of the great old Tommen college, with my uniform thrown on messily and my head in the skies: I grinned as I saw my brother talking it up with a pretty blonde with loose curls cascading down her back.

He said something that had her smacking his arm playfully but smiling rosily. He's had the hots for her ever since he laid eyes on the girl, and was he down bad. She ever so obviously had shared those feelings, I don't get why they just don't start dating already.

I mean our Mams are rooting for them.

The only reason I could think of is Hughie possibly murdering gibs.

Meh.

I walked right past him, trying my hardest not to act like I was off my rockers right now. I didn't need to try at all, he was to infatuated with the pretty blonde he called Claire-bear.

Claire was a year older than me. She was sweet and bubbly, she rained sunshine on everyone's day and I aspired to be like her one day. So happy, so kind, so untouched and perfect. So fake.

It was so easy pretending to be you aren't, compared to facing reality and looking in the mirror to see the real, ugly version of yourself you could pretend not to be.

And I was going to pretend one day.

I was going to be great at it too.

I was going to be happy.

Funny.

Sweet.

And Bubbly.

I was going to be an actor. And My act was going to be so good and realistic, nobody is going to realize they are watching the false narrative I had created and turned into a never-ending movie that will be called my life. And it was going to be fake.

Fake.
Fake.
Fake.

One day.

Though today was not going to be that day. Today I was going to smoke some weed and set my mind at ease.

And not vomit.

I hated vomiting.

I used to vomit all the time. I fixed that though.

______________________

Hi! So I know his POV is sortve all over the place, but it is going to be for a long time due to him trying to find a way to cope with his chaotic, fucked up mind.

You'll find out more about his past and trauma. And I hope you liked his pov.

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